worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.
so the week wasnt what i expected it to be. Parentals are home, and the bustle of activity in my house has returned. much as there was alot of freedom and no parents calling all the time, it was getting kinda lonely, so i'm glad they're back. and whatever doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. so. i guess it'll turn out to be a better week than the last.
so i made a big mistake at work, which made my credibility fall from the height of the empire state building to the core of the earth. i'm learning that mistakes can be fatal, and that it can possibly kill. if only i could explain that it was an honest mistake, made because of stress and fatigue. made because i couldnt concentrate, that my personal life was interfering. but i'm still there, that responsible person, capable and ready to take on anything you want to throw at me.
i was just reflecting how it's ironic that i can never not fuck something up. that i could get off to a good start, only to screw up at the end. i dont understand why that happens. is it in my character to build something up and then with one swift motion, tear it all down? am i that useless? all i know is i do feel like that. all this while i really wasnt proving anything to my boss. i wasnt proving anything to anyone. BUT the reason why i'm upset and distressed is because i do feel i've let myself down. that i've FUCKED UP once again, and i DIDNT mean for it to happen. who would have thought i would commit career suicide because i forgot to send in finished work? i was on top of it all. and my credibility lies in question now because i forgot to press the send button. i'm frustrated with myself. and the way i acted after. just plain stupid.
the question remains hence: what's happened to that responsible liting?
for once in recent times, i'm questioning the change happening to me. have i become something i dont want to be? or have i always manage to screw up something wonderful?
let's not even get to the fact that i know how to fuck up a beautiful friendship: by falling in love. my mood now is more of submissive and tired. i dont want to be angry and angsty anymore. my anger is never long enough, like mother courage says.
here's to a meaningless existence.
how do i make you see i'm not half the (wo)man i used to be?
so the week wasnt what i expected it to be. Parentals are home, and the bustle of activity in my house has returned. much as there was alot of freedom and no parents calling all the time, it was getting kinda lonely, so i'm glad they're back. and whatever doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. so. i guess it'll turn out to be a better week than the last.
so i made a big mistake at work, which made my credibility fall from the height of the empire state building to the core of the earth. i'm learning that mistakes can be fatal, and that it can possibly kill. if only i could explain that it was an honest mistake, made because of stress and fatigue. made because i couldnt concentrate, that my personal life was interfering. but i'm still there, that responsible person, capable and ready to take on anything you want to throw at me.
i was just reflecting how it's ironic that i can never not fuck something up. that i could get off to a good start, only to screw up at the end. i dont understand why that happens. is it in my character to build something up and then with one swift motion, tear it all down? am i that useless? all i know is i do feel like that. all this while i really wasnt proving anything to my boss. i wasnt proving anything to anyone. BUT the reason why i'm upset and distressed is because i do feel i've let myself down. that i've FUCKED UP once again, and i DIDNT mean for it to happen. who would have thought i would commit career suicide because i forgot to send in finished work? i was on top of it all. and my credibility lies in question now because i forgot to press the send button. i'm frustrated with myself. and the way i acted after. just plain stupid.
the question remains hence: what's happened to that responsible liting?
for once in recent times, i'm questioning the change happening to me. have i become something i dont want to be? or have i always manage to screw up something wonderful?
let's not even get to the fact that i know how to fuck up a beautiful friendship: by falling in love. my mood now is more of submissive and tired. i dont want to be angry and angsty anymore. my anger is never long enough, like mother courage says.
here's to a meaningless existence.
how do i make you see i'm not half the (wo)man i used to be?
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