sometimes i get tired of this me first attitude

my mind is a mess. i cannot think straight anymore. 'my heart could never yet confine my tongue' - Lady Brute. indeed. i could never tell.

duo has ended. i am filled with utter relief and sadness. i guess i'm happy it's over and done with and no more acting for me for the time being. but it's also coz i guess i'm really sad that this is it. no more slots. no more going up to korr and saying my famous first line: 'good morrow dear cousin'. no more asking people to watch our slot, no more saying keanu reeves is my lover. no more. all ... coming to an end. it's so abrupt. i suddenly feel empty.

i think i am a jealous piece of shit. honestly. i cant say i am not disappointed that my father didnt come to watch my group piece or my duo. i cant say i am not disappointed that my best friend couldnt make it either. BUT. i understand. everybody has lives of their own. Kudos to yihui, Kashin, Sarah who came down to watch. i am not pissed that some people i invited couldnt make it. i understand. i will. soon enough. it will pass anyway.

Ok, if you want my honest honest opinion, my duo was crap. shit. a pile of faecal matter. just a no good bunch of words that i screwed up. it isnt Korree ... it's me. i just feel like that time when i screwed up my mono. and if i did really screw up this big time, i would have nothing to blame it on. i blamed my mono on my sprained ankle. what am i gonna blame this time on? blame this time on the fact that my mind wasnt quite there? today was a shit run lah. in my opinion. i know you all will have alot to say. haha ... i wont stop you. :)

ok at least try and make me feel better? no really. try. i just need people around me lah. remember my post abt fearing being alone? yup. that's what i'm feeling now. alone. this world is cold when you feel all by yourself. haha ...

i think i've come to a point where i need to tell that person. dawn was saying that someone might just hurt me one day jokingly. that phrase had serious implications. dawn's right. if i tell on myself i could seriously set myself for some pretty devastating hurt. i'm starting to not be able to face that person anymore. i dont want to. soemtimes i just wanna roll up in a corner and cry. if only i never had to face that person everyday. argh!!!!!

ok ... enough of depressing shit. here are some of my favourite quotes from duos today ... :)

'you deserve to be tatuffe-fied'
'tatuffe is your cup of tea and you shall drink him' - both from dorine in 'tatuffe' by moliere ( as far as i can remember at least)

Jiehui as the nurse: just plain doing all that she did ... it was funny. esp the 'your lover said ... where is your mother' or something like that.

'men are seldom fond of their wives unless they are very jealous of them' - my screwed up line from my duo. dont talk about it.

the rain falling right after arika and farah's tragic duo. timing was super appropriate man! :)

so there's little time to study now ... haha ... i will make use of it! :)

it is now 9:23pm. this post took me more than an hour again!

good night and good luck! :)

pulled from the wreckage of my silent reverie