nothing you can do to save me

i hate knowing that my productivity lies in someone else's hands. the designer is not answering his calls. this is highly sickening. SIGH.

it's really quite screwed up knowing you cant control the situation, and you really rely on others to be able to complete what you need to do. which is why i feel like i have alot to accomplish, but yet i can't do anything.

ANYWAY. i dont want to blog about football. the world cup is going to go home in the hands of an undeserving team, and i dont want to talk about it. football is no longer just about the game.

throughout the week i had alot of things to think about, and i havent had a chance to pen them down, so they've all disappeared into my subconcious. i think it's funny how when i first started blogging as 'ephemeral_thing', it was merely a name because i thought the word was cool, but now, it's really what it is; all my thoughts are ephemeral, never to be recaptured, except for those i manage to write down and publish.

wei jun leaves on sat. it's heart breaking, knowing after him, it'll be dawn, and then everyone else will up and leave, leaving me alone again, naturally. i am happy that my friends get to go overseas and better themselves, but at the same time, filled with bitterness that they're going and not me, and filled with sadness that they wont be here. i know it'll hurt, no matter how much they say they'll be back. so excuse me if i'm being emo. i'm not good with saying goodbye.

sometimes i tell myself, maybe, maybe if i stop loving my friends and people around me, it wouldnt hurt as bad as it does. it's a stupid concept of course, considering that what hurts cant be compared to the joy of being with people. but it's a concept that works, that allows one to exist without ever trying. but of course, in the wise words of Coldplay,

'But if you never try, you'll never know. Just what you're worth.'

i think a very good way to judge your human worth is to know how much you love and how much you're being loved. so then, if i tell myself to stop loving, then i would be worthless and i might as well not live. i dont think we were put here with the intention of existing. we were put in this place with the intention to live, and living constitutes loving.

so. after reading this, go tell some body in the house, some body in you contact list, some body on msn that you love that person. :) be random and make someone's day.

liting, signing out! :)

life is a cabaret, Old Chum!