i think i'm going off again.

little shop is in full swing now, and i know there's some of you out there who wished you could be here seeing it, so i'll steal you a poster or something and you can pretend you saw it.

dim sum dollies this year has been fun so far, but different without esplanade toilet trips and the usual FOH crew. part of why i enjoyed it so much was coz of all that, so it's kinda like, lacking i suppose. and victoria theatre has no air conditioning, which led me to exclaim how much i wished it would snow in singapore. Tough luck, i think, to be born in a tropical country. I WANT TO SEE SNOW. somewhere other than snow city.

i've come to the conclusion i cannot write very coherently, because expression is not my forte. being misunderstood, i suppose, as robbie said, doesnt "do me any good". i suppose that's why i've been worried about silences with jeane and stinky. i dont think it's because i'm uncomfortable, but i think it's because i dont want to be fake and empty, so expression, which i do on a regular basis to cover up those insecurities, becomes zilch, so that i know i'm being real. i'm not sure if THAT was coherent, but i can say for certain that is kinda how i feel.

so maybe, at the end of the day, there's nothing to be worried about.

i'm not missing jeane as much as i thought i would have (the bugger's in KL), which i cannot decide is a good thing or bad thing. i DO miss her, but sometimes i barely see her for weeks on end, and it seems like it's possible to condition one self to not miss someone you barely see anyway. then there are times we spend extended periods of time together, and then i start to miss her again when she disappears. it's a cycle which i'm not optimistic i'll soon be breaking out of.

i dont think, though, i should be worried about not missing her and shit. i love the bugger and i think it's enough.

3 weeks to exams, but i feel like NUS is still so new to me. i dont know why, but i think one reason why i havent really made friends with anybody is because i feel like i look down on people, and so i naturally distance myself from them. i have a fear that what i percieve myself to be, is not really what i am, i'm afraid i'll see that maybe i'm not that great after all. it would majorly suck for me, but not because of who's watching (if anyone's watching). it would be because i'll feel like i'm useless and stupid.

did i mention, by chance, that i feel like i've been shortchanged by my education in NUS. it doesnt feel like what i thought uni would feel like. it doesnt, at this point, really stimulate me intellectually. but then again, what counts for intellectual stimulation?

anyway, i'm sleepy and half gone already. better allow myself to drift into a midnight sweet dream. someone please send me a cute, hot boy.

someone asked me today if i'm straight. i didnt know what to say.

been around and i'm wondering why.