through the fire and the flames

my life lately seems to revolve around constantly remount-ing things. First West Wing, and now, my beloved baby (ours too!) Hush is getting a second performance, albiet in less than ideal circumstances; still, revisiting it is like looking up an old friend in search of the moments one beautiful and now lost.

I am in part to blame for all the lost moments - discipline and being tough is not my middle name. I can only complain, i can only rant and bitch, but in the face of a confrontation i back down, and "hide myself away for another year". woe is me. I just think there's too much fighting in the world. But rationality tells me this is a conflict that must happen, that the confrontation must take place, for the good of us and all the world.

But i would like to state for the record that my heart is broken to see the treatment being given by you to HUSH. I want to be sympathetic and understand that you were really unable to be there, but one too many times, my friend, one too many times. We put up with you in hopes that you'll get your act together, and all our hearts are broken again and again. Enough, i say. enough. but when it happens again i have no strength or heart to tell you off.

what i need now is a damned backbone.

I'm not going to defend you anymore. Not even to myself. I am angry and it's no longer funny. HUSH was a labour of love, you don't get to ruin it even if you don't feel emotionally invested in it. you lost every right to be invested the days you didn't show, or came late, or threw a tantrum. you lost every right to be invested when you tested our patience, and in the face of us being lax, tested our patience even more. My patience is thinner than when i first started out.

I give up.

i can lead a nation with a microphone