confused and utterly lost.

bear with me ... this is going to be a wee bit depressive.

look. i dunno. i'm super duper lost at what to do. it's been almost a year. you cant just come back now and tell me you want to rebuild the friendship. i tried once in june this year. you belw the chance there and then. but you're lucky. you've got perfect timing. because the wounds were beginning to heal and now they are open again. and because they are open i know i'm open to accepting the reconstruction of our demolished ship. but i am still very confused. it's not that i mind you being at my party; it's not that i dont want to see you. but i am confused. i cant make up my freaking mind because i am afraid of the implications. on one hand i want to overlook the pride and try to love again. on the other hand i dont want to love again. too many things have happened in this time that i fear what the repurcussions may be. i only ask that you consider what your intentions are while i consider mine. if they are pure, like is hld think mine may not be, then by all means we both are really ready. but too much memories are attached to everything. the old times are gone. are we both ready to accept new times?

it's up to you to come to the party or not. if you get snubbed dont blame me. i am leaving it open for you to decide what you think is best for the both of us. but i want my CD back. really desperately. i am open to anything but a relationship. we were always in love. are we really expecting a friendship to really work here? i dunno what to expect. i dunno how we'll view each other.

i apologize if i sound harsh. but i cant help it. leave it be. i guess sometimes pple change. up to you to come or not. you decide.

with love.

stop putting words in my head