i still feel small when i stand beside the ocean.

which is amazing for me. i mean. HOW OFTEN DO I FEEL SMALL?!

it's quite overwhelming to read blogs and see how some people arent exactly having a good time as 2005 begins. it's also quite overwhelming to know that there's nothing you can do to help. but i know one thing's for sure. i am 'as constant as the northern star'.

'loving might be a mistake, but it's worth making'.

and. another thing; it's something i would wish for every year as each year begins.

i wanna grow old with you.

not just you, but you, you, you and everyone who can be counted as a 'you'.

'tell me who wants to look back on their youth and wonder where those years have gone?'

i certainly do not. i want to look back and know that my youth was shared with people i've known for years and years on end.

i wanna grow old with you.

well. Singapore is winning. :) down with indonesia!!! :D I LOVE SINGAPORE!!! :D

hehe. patriotism ... something i've lacked for a LONG LONG time. :)

my mother is coming home today. :) am very happy. :) yay! haha :)

i'm not expecting any gifts or souvenirs, but well. haha :) this is a wonderful world. :)

on to some other stuffs ...

i miss my best friend. ALOT. it doesnt help that she's always spending time with someone else. i dont wanna be whiny about it ... but what can i do? i just wanna spend time with my best friend, ALONE, so that at the very least if i need her help i can turn to her. how do you deal with a situation like this where you feel you've been deprived of spending time with someone close because she values love more than friendship?

i am being whiney. really.

but if i dont voice this i dont think the situation would change AT ALL. and i want it to. also because i must admit i am jealous. and it's difficult for me to tell this straight in her face because it's not my style. and i am in constant fear of losing the friendship. of her being angry with me and not wanting to share with me or be my friend anymore. i dont wanna make her choose between love and me. but i must say it upsets me that i cant spend time with her.

am i asking for too much?

that it devastated her when they split, that i was there if she needed me.

that when they got back together, i felt more or less happy yet i wasnt too sure if i could feel that way for real.

that she never calls anymore.

that when i invite her to school events she never turns up, but expects me to go to her events.

believe me i would. just that sometimes circumstances disallow me to. i know it's the same for her. well. shucks.

'take the pain killer, cycle on your bicycle, leave all this misery behind'

let's leave it as that shall we.

summer rain, trickling down your face again.