step off from that ledge, my friend.
and i think i'm about to. I am fully aware that i am wasting my time bloggin when i should be working, but i am just VERY pissed right now. it's not that people voted for songs which i didn't want to do or what not, not even because people don't choose my ideas, but the mere thought of the sheer unfairness this whole thing is being dealt with, and i'm at the base of it all, hurt, very much by the whole pantomime of a song selection process.
Unlike anyone else, this is ME, MY WORK for this module, put under a spotlight and scrutinized by the other people in this module. THIS IS MY WORK's quality being decided by the other people taking this module. It's as if i did a presentation and everyone got to stand up and tell me how shitty it all is, where i can do better, and what i should do, when half the people there don't know how much trouble it is to fit existing lyrics into existing melodies. half the people there don't know the limitations of the arrangements and the budget. and half the people there seem to think i'm a music genius who can work anything out with a synthesizer. and if this is supposed to be democratic, then why is music the only department subjected to such scrutiny? am i missing something? is my incompetence showing? WHAT?! doesn't anyone have any confidence in me and my abilities?
perhaps even i don't have confidence in my own abilities anymore. I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK. i have to take into consideration everyone's ideas and i don't know what was my initial idea anymore. and. how can we all vote based on popular vote, when popularity is only ONE of the MANY things that i have to consider when planning for the music?! the statistics mean little to me. my worries are now new ones, like how in the world am i supposed to get a full orchestra score to sound like it should on a bloody 6 piece rock band?!
let me just say this: NO I AM NOT A GENIUS; I NEVER FELT QUALIFIED TO DO THIS, BUT I TRY. I TRIED VERY HARD BECAUSE I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT MUSIC AND THEATRE and I'M SORRY IF I CAN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE THE MUSIC I LISTEN TO IS VERY DIFFERENT. I'M SORRY I CANNOT GIVE YOU A FULL ORCHESTRA, I'M RELIANT ON SOME OF YOU TO HELP WITH SINGING PARTS AND I DON'T HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE LIKE THE CAST DOES THAT DOES JUSTICE TO THE MUSIC I WANT TO USE. I REGRET THAT I CAN'T BUT I TRY. I TRY HARDER THAN ANYONE OF YOU. AND I APPRECIATE SOME OF YOU HELPING, BUT I ALSO HOPE YOU CONSIDER MY ROLE IN THIS PRODUCTION AND NOT GO AHEAD AND PRACTICE SONGS WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND THEN PRESENTING IT TO THE COMPANY AS A "MUSICAL COMMITTEE" DECISION.
FUCK MAN. i've had enough of this for tonight.
and i think i'm about to. I am fully aware that i am wasting my time bloggin when i should be working, but i am just VERY pissed right now. it's not that people voted for songs which i didn't want to do or what not, not even because people don't choose my ideas, but the mere thought of the sheer unfairness this whole thing is being dealt with, and i'm at the base of it all, hurt, very much by the whole pantomime of a song selection process.
Unlike anyone else, this is ME, MY WORK for this module, put under a spotlight and scrutinized by the other people in this module. THIS IS MY WORK's quality being decided by the other people taking this module. It's as if i did a presentation and everyone got to stand up and tell me how shitty it all is, where i can do better, and what i should do, when half the people there don't know how much trouble it is to fit existing lyrics into existing melodies. half the people there don't know the limitations of the arrangements and the budget. and half the people there seem to think i'm a music genius who can work anything out with a synthesizer. and if this is supposed to be democratic, then why is music the only department subjected to such scrutiny? am i missing something? is my incompetence showing? WHAT?! doesn't anyone have any confidence in me and my abilities?
perhaps even i don't have confidence in my own abilities anymore. I CAN'T HEAR MYSELF THINK. i have to take into consideration everyone's ideas and i don't know what was my initial idea anymore. and. how can we all vote based on popular vote, when popularity is only ONE of the MANY things that i have to consider when planning for the music?! the statistics mean little to me. my worries are now new ones, like how in the world am i supposed to get a full orchestra score to sound like it should on a bloody 6 piece rock band?!
let me just say this: NO I AM NOT A GENIUS; I NEVER FELT QUALIFIED TO DO THIS, BUT I TRY. I TRIED VERY HARD BECAUSE I'M PASSIONATE ABOUT MUSIC AND THEATRE and I'M SORRY IF I CAN'T GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT BECAUSE THE MUSIC I LISTEN TO IS VERY DIFFERENT. I'M SORRY I CANNOT GIVE YOU A FULL ORCHESTRA, I'M RELIANT ON SOME OF YOU TO HELP WITH SINGING PARTS AND I DON'T HAVE AN AMAZING VOICE LIKE THE CAST DOES THAT DOES JUSTICE TO THE MUSIC I WANT TO USE. I REGRET THAT I CAN'T BUT I TRY. I TRY HARDER THAN ANYONE OF YOU. AND I APPRECIATE SOME OF YOU HELPING, BUT I ALSO HOPE YOU CONSIDER MY ROLE IN THIS PRODUCTION AND NOT GO AHEAD AND PRACTICE SONGS WITHOUT MY KNOWLEDGE AND THEN PRESENTING IT TO THE COMPANY AS A "MUSICAL COMMITTEE" DECISION.
FUCK MAN. i've had enough of this for tonight.
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