2 more hours of my life as a 16 year old.
i'm sitting here trying to figure out why the hell i'm not excited that i'm turning 17. on the contrary i'm actually not looking forward to turning 17. it means i'm one year older. it implies i'm one year wiser, and makes me want to shout: i dont wanna grow up!!! GRR. i am so not looking forward to anything at all. for a strange reason, after all the excitement, hopes, they are all taken over by fear; of loneliness, rejection and growing old. you all know me; i'm the insecure type looking for attention. i just want to turn 17 peacefully. but it's so difficult looking at everything's that's happened. grr ... you know what. i'm gonna drop it. just let it blow over. BAH!!!
anyway, before i drop anything, i guess the source of this frustration is: there's a really thick wall that is separating US right now and it's thicker than before. i cant seem to communicate anymore with you. BAH. if there's a time to regret doing things, it is now. the problem isnt me. i try to keep things 'normal' so to speak. but i guess now i fear whether i am a disturbance or source of discomfort to you. BAH. i'll leave it alone. before i become too depressive.
what's the point in blogging that? you dont read anymore anyway.
corrie's right: at some point of time i have to stop thinking. BAH. and i will. when i am through with myself. that's where i will stop thinking.
i guess i'm learning something now. you cant force things. it takes 2 hands to clap. i cant do this alone. BAH. why the hell does it always rain on me.
this birthday must be a happy one. BUT HOW TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU"RE SPENDING HALF THE BLARDY DAY DOING PW?!?!?!?!?!?!? and you know the ones who you love alot arent gonna be at the party. and then you hope you wont feel left out at your own party. ok no i wont. i'll make it work for myself. BAH!!!! i feel so drained!!!!! GRRRRRRR
it's my party and i'll cry if i want to.
BTW: Vane, thanx for the cake. it helped make me feel slightly better. ok alot more better. but i am still feeling manic depressive. bah. thanx anyway *tries to smile* *hug*
just shoot me
i'm sitting here trying to figure out why the hell i'm not excited that i'm turning 17. on the contrary i'm actually not looking forward to turning 17. it means i'm one year older. it implies i'm one year wiser, and makes me want to shout: i dont wanna grow up!!! GRR. i am so not looking forward to anything at all. for a strange reason, after all the excitement, hopes, they are all taken over by fear; of loneliness, rejection and growing old. you all know me; i'm the insecure type looking for attention. i just want to turn 17 peacefully. but it's so difficult looking at everything's that's happened. grr ... you know what. i'm gonna drop it. just let it blow over. BAH!!!
anyway, before i drop anything, i guess the source of this frustration is: there's a really thick wall that is separating US right now and it's thicker than before. i cant seem to communicate anymore with you. BAH. if there's a time to regret doing things, it is now. the problem isnt me. i try to keep things 'normal' so to speak. but i guess now i fear whether i am a disturbance or source of discomfort to you. BAH. i'll leave it alone. before i become too depressive.
what's the point in blogging that? you dont read anymore anyway.
corrie's right: at some point of time i have to stop thinking. BAH. and i will. when i am through with myself. that's where i will stop thinking.
i guess i'm learning something now. you cant force things. it takes 2 hands to clap. i cant do this alone. BAH. why the hell does it always rain on me.
this birthday must be a happy one. BUT HOW TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU"RE SPENDING HALF THE BLARDY DAY DOING PW?!?!?!?!?!?!? and you know the ones who you love alot arent gonna be at the party. and then you hope you wont feel left out at your own party. ok no i wont. i'll make it work for myself. BAH!!!! i feel so drained!!!!! GRRRRRRR
it's my party and i'll cry if i want to.
BTW: Vane, thanx for the cake. it helped make me feel slightly better. ok alot more better. but i am still feeling manic depressive. bah. thanx anyway *tries to smile* *hug*
just shoot me
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