for i never knew the art of making love.

this might sound like a lament already, but i think it's not quite :P haha. ok what i want to say has nothing to do with love lah. i just like that line from my favourite ray charles song :)

i hauled my sick self to school today in the blistering heat and dropped by 7.11 to get lunch. i suppose i did make a mistake taking coke. i dunno what got into me, i just bought and like felt super guilty later when viv pointed it out. Sigh. nvm. oh hell. haha.

anyway, slot was like, promising today, but it was like so weird. coz after showing it just went bust. but it's ok. i am more or less happy. coz i was on medication and i was feeling quite groggy. so in a way i didnt really pay much attention. head was really heavy. so anyway, i think group is progressing? i hope :| shall wait for script tomoro. :)

i am actually quite excited. :)

on a different note, i had an epiphany today. i shall not specify where, but it, for once, wasnt in the toilet. :P *pfft*

i kinda realised that love is almost ALMOST always a selfish concept. like, we kinda almost always love because of something, some trait, something that we accept. we never actually fully love if we cant accept something. i dunno if it's some universally held idea, but in a way, it applied to me. like, how if i dont like something about someone and i feel strongly about it, i cannot love that person fully. mebbe it is just a character flaw in me, but i know that if i really want to, i can over look things and love fully. but that is if i choose to over look. if i dont, then it's like, well, i cant love fully lah. so isnt that selfish too?

i guess in a way i dont want to define love? i dunno. coz this makes it so quantified and material, which i dont want to do. but sometimes i'm just disillusioned i suppose.

i'm disillusioned because people cant draw the line between judging an individual and judging whats around that individual.

i'm disillusioned because people like to put up fronts and give people false impressions.

i'm disillusioned because you're a christian, and you're judging.

i'm disillusioned. PERIOD.

and you wonder why she doesnt come to church. it's a double edged sword being wielded.

so. if you're disapproving of something or what not, you cannot fully love.

dont judge her because of her boy friend. what kinda love is that? because i dont know. i dont know.

if being in the same cell group, being friends for some time and being close doesnt amount to anything, then you've really used her like a commodity.

get right.

ok that was emotional.

haha.

on to greater things, the beatles are wonderful. i cant believe i've only just discovered their greatness.

ok i am crapping like a pigeon. haha :P

bye bye.

whisper words of wisdom, let it be.