if i can dream.

i have nothing in particular to say, because i havent exactly been doing anything worth talking about. i stay in school all day, waste my life away, and come home to sleep the rest of it away. what a life.

well, anyway.

may i introduce you to DIRTY CLOTHES INC. :) i added the INC at the back myself so that it sounds cooler. hehe :) my group for A levels. Cast in stone:
Sunil
Brandon
Yuhui
Arika
Viv
Me

sounded like a weird group before. but i dont think we're that weird. i mean, ok we have our little quirks, and i'm not exactly having the best time of my life, but well, at least i dont feel like killing anyone. Yet. ok no, i dont wanna kill any of them. it's just that we're doing too much discussion and too little work that it's getting frustrating. not to mention i think we tend to clamp ourselves down too much and i feel a little restrained.

you know, i'm having the same communication problems with this group as i had with Prima Dawn-a. it's getting frustrating and difficult because i dont want to thrash the idea, coz i feel we have something concrete. if only we'll let the piece evolve and not try to restrict it. not that we're conciously doing it, but it's like we thrash everyone, (well, at least brandon's and sunil's) ideas too quickly. i feel guilty sometimes for moving on, but well, when the situation calls for it, i guess it has to be done.

all i know now is that i do agree with that famous tag line that corrie came up with. We have lost our sense of wonderment. i wont hide the fact i'm frustrated here, because i know that here, i wont be disrupting important group discussions. (i'm NOT being sarcastic.) i really dont wanna disrupt discussions. i just wished we improv-ed better. not that we're bad. ARGH. just that our improvs dont go anywhere and we need to start letting improvs run and not cutting them.

i admit at this time i'm rambling.

i'm looking at the year ones doing their monos and fretting now, and i am filled with sadness because my time was over. i screwed up my chance of acting, because i wasnt focused on what i was doing. i look back now, and i feel stupid, because i tried my best to act, but it came to naught. But i cldnt. i promised myself i wouldnt let one bad mono experience put me off. And at the end, i triumphed, with promos groups and prelim I/S. now, i need that motivation, that same drive to keep me going. i need that mental strength to pick myself up and be on fire for this art form i love so much. and i wished, i only wished, that we all would allow ourselves to take risks, just like i've learnt from the prelim groups experience, and allow ourselves to uncover the beauty of what we're trying to create. i feel i've taken the lessons i need to learn from prelims and applied here now in A levels. in a way i just hoped we'll all be more accepting of each other's ideas, and be more willing to try everything and anything. somewhere, somehow, we will find out pieces.

to all groups, new and old: we'll make it through. :) i know we will.

you know this is alot like the GP essay i handed in today. Totally random, and totally totally just continuous rambling without censorship or without making a point :) hehe. :)

i'll be honest and say i miss working with Yin Ren. That boy is one helluva idea machine. :)

for the record, i am not exactly having the best time of my life now, because i havent got enough motivation and strength to do something about my weight. i'm tempted to drop my resolution, but i dont want to (even though it's already a little late. i shall still try and take it from now i suppose? i dunno.). I'm worried yes, and i havent weighed myself in a long time because i'm afraid of the figure. i only wished there was someone to help me through, to understand that it's not just a weight issue, there's a whole emotional side to it. and people around me who are not fat, but think they are and make a fuss out of it should just open their eyes and spare a little thought for me. i know you all want to look good. but it depresses me to see you all perfectly normal people think that you are fat. you're not. you're normal and you should accept it. sure, you have to do stuff to keep in shape. but that's the thing, you're already IN SHAPE. you're not fat. there are people who actually are fat around you.

i am contemplating seeing a dietician. mebbe go to a slimming centre or something. all i know is i need to get in shape. and it has to start now.

i am asking for support. because i have tried, and i cant do it on my own.

ok this was a little too much for one blogpost.

oops.

in anycase, i'll be fine and dandy after my rambling i suppose. i actually already feel better after typing this out. :)

aiite. i'm gone.

if you wanna be somebody else,
if you're tired of losing battles with yourself.
if you wanna be somebody else,
change your mind.