i'm all i'll ever be.

the need to blog has eluded me for a long time, and because i do not want to do the cliche thing and fulfil a prophecy, i shall no say why i'm blogging.

in anycase, it's been about 2 weeks, and i'm still waiting. when it's the right time to talk about how i'm feeling now. how insecure and afriad i am. but dawn says i must have faith.

and therefore,

when i see you standing there, wanting more from me, and all i can do is try.

on to a brighter note ...

madama was wonderful :) sitting in between dawn and zhan hui during the second half and watching the puppetting segment, i felt immensely proud. of VJ, of TSD, of the four of you, and of course, of you. dont ask me why, but watching it all happen in the ESPLANADE, i just felt super happy for you. and to have had the honour to be there, (i almost didnt make it) i really enjoyed it.

i dunno what's happening, but i'm really really not sure what to do. am i being paranoid? i have no idea what i'm trying to do, and i also have no idea what to do anyway. it's a constant battle to figure out each move everyday. and i'm getting too tired to think.

freak i gotta stop ranting.

i'm sorry people who read blog. i am tired i suppose.

gosh i hate it. it's not like it's cold, but it's not warm either. it's just, lukewarm. if it was the extremes it would have been much easier to handle really.

F**K you liting. you're really really stupid. stop making up things out of nothing.

GAH!!!!!!!!!

iamfrustratedandidunnowhattodotostopitall. ishouldjuststopthinkingaboutit.

leave me to my devices i suppose. i need to sort myself out.

so ... guess this wasnt exactly what you expected eh?

SIGH.

he aint heavy, he's my brother.