Revelations 205

am pretty messed up. Basically i dunno what's wrong with me but i'm getting myself into a lot of trouble.

coming home and not helping to cook, i get scolded for not helping around the house. and it's not like it's a good day which i can look back on and be happy. TSD was not so great. I have been overly complacent and it's really my fault. But the thing is that it's not like i didnt prepare for it. Which worries me because what does that say then? That i'm useless at TSD? no. as corrie said today: we need to find that magic again.

it is 815pm and i am sitting here, half lamenting, half optimistic. I don't know if we'll all make it for A levels anymore. I think it's not difficult to see that we all want 4 As. I mean, that's the ideal is it not? but when you become a cynical idealist you really think, 4 As can't be anywhere in sight. As of now grades stand at:

Econs: E
TSD: C
History: Probably C/D
Lit: I am expecting a D/E

So grades look like this now: C,D,E,E.
When what i was hoping for this time was a B,B,C,D
And the real ideal is: A,A,A,B

wow liting. needs alot of work. must look on the bright side and keep my head up. By God's grace i must get by. and honestly, not by my might, but by His spirit. there's alot i can do. So i do all of that, and let God do the rest. then i am safe in His hands. Yay. :)

I am going to go back and study. Very soon. And well, i guess i will go on blog hiatus soon. Probably after one last post. Well, this is not the last yet. But soon. Soon.

Today i realised that friendship can be the most insidious obligation in the world. today i learnt that there must be a limit to everything. And that, i think along the way, i just lost track of keeping it real.

i admit that sometimes i get carried away doing things for people, and it can get very disgusting. Not that i am going to justify myself here, but i suppose i am trying really hard to please alot of people, and well, sometimes, even when they don't need/want to be pleased. This is extremely dangerous. that is why today i realised that it is time to start living a little more, for self? well, at least, giving people more space, and leaving some time for myself. In a way, i guess it's time to be a little more self-absorbed.

i fear becoming a monster. i mean wat if i overdo it?

i guess life is all about striking balances. And it is time for me to learn the rights and wrong in dealing with others. it is really through this kinda things that people learn, and people grow. I know i can never, in this life, be perfect. But let's get as close as we can, shall we?

it is time to go. and before i do, here is a tribute: to Dawn, whose little gesture of sitting down to hear us out today really makes me feel like there is still love in this world. yay.

off to study for SAT.

With FAITH like a child.