walk on

i left parkway, making my way down towards katong at a comfortable pace. i paused and wondered if i should take a bus and forget about the whole thing. but my mind was made up and i began to walk towards siglap, passing church and coming to the junction where i almost turned to neptune court. but i decided not to be stupid and so i turned the other way, heading down siglap park connector, just walked straight, ending up somewhere near kembangan MRT. i felt like i should have taken the train, but then i turned right, and climbed a hill heading towards bedok, following the track until it went underground. momentarily there was a sense of being lost. but i knew all i had to do was go straight and i'll eventually find the MRT tracks again. i continued on my way, passing OLPS, and random places which i didnt even know existed, and somehow i ended up around Chai Chee. the track emerges from the ground and soon i have my mark to follow again. i continue on, trudging past bedok interchange in all of it's splendour, past the sports complexes and what not, and all the random things in that area. my feet grow heavy but nothing could stop me. i begin making plans to walk to expo and take a bus. continuing on my journey on foot i arrived at Tanah Merah and saw bus 12 leave before my eyes as i approached the bus stop. my feet were hurting, and my new shoes, i didnt want to destroy. so i sit at the bus stop. finally. without anymore resolve to carry on, i wait for the bus.

and that was my 2 hour walking journey from parkway to tanah merah.

i feel like an angsty teenager. i went for a walk to calm myself down, and to some extent, feel sorry for myself. gosh i cant believe myself. it was such a juvenile thing to do man. but you know, i guess i needed some alone time. for a long time now i've been wanting to go away. get away from the world and be happy in an escapist's dream for awhile. go somewhere where there is no reality, only the figment of it. too bad all this while i knew i was in singapore.

perhaps i did enter a whole new dimension today. cutting myself off from everything and walking, i felt like i was in a music video, (mebbe because of my ipod lah but whateva.) and while the camera pans, it zooms in into a lone figure walking on the street at night, totally oblivious to the surroundings and totally not bothered at all. i created my own sub-reality and walked, as if it was the streets of harlem and there was someone waiting to mug me when i turn the next corner. such excitement did not exist, i found today. because at the next junction, the most dangerous thing was a grumpy old man smoking his cigarette, with his singlet rolled up to his chest and his beer belly bulging in between the roll of cloth and his shorts. walking through the park i thought mebbe there was someone trailing me, waiting to set me on fire and leave me to burn like a thousand lightbulbs and give warm to the strays that linger on after the people are gone. but none of that either. it was only a siberian husky and its owner, whose way i happened to be in. walking pass a group of young men, i feared they should suddenly grab me, take my bag and all of my worldly possesions, and leave me naked to freeze to death tonight. but they were merely drinking and being merry, enjoying the last days of 2005.

maybe i did enter some sort of sub-reality. either that, or i just have a very disturbed mind.

take my world apart.