there's room to grow.

ever had a life changing experience? a moment in your life that seems like it's a transition, moving from the old to the new, so that that ever constant flow of change can keep going. so that when people move on, you move as well.

it doesnt have to be some big life changing experience you know, it could be small minute little things like changing phones, or using a new email account. the slate starts again, CLEAN, and it seems as if a nes chapter of your life begins.

my old handphone died a long time ago. most of you know that if you try talking to me on the phone, i cant hear you, or i dont pick up at all because it's on silent but there's no vibration. it's that bad. so my life changing experience of the week is making that transition, from old phone to new.

yes i am buying a new phone, but i havent actually BOUGHT a phone, which is why i feel this life changing experience is hanging in the balance. basically, this is life changing (or life 'moving') because i really feel like i'm leaving a chapter of my life behind, and moving on to something better. last night i scrolled through my sms inbox and read all my old msgs. and i realised that i usually keep very sweet messages, or messages that were meant to inspire me, or inspired me even if the sender didnt mean to. looking through my mail box, i realised that alot of these peopla i havent seen in weeks, months, (ok not years lah. i exaggerate.) just people i havent seen for such a long time i fear that the will fade to become memories. my fear, of course, is that they will progress from memories stored in my inbox in my brain, to being deleted, like most of the sms i had to delete yesterday. i dont want to forget. at least i know it's in my power not to forget. but i can't stop them from forgetting.

i suppose that's how life works. some people stay constant, while others come and go, fade away and become deleted sms. i realised how easy it is for me to erase the physical presence of someone in my life, but the forgetting for REAL, in my heart, is just difficult. which is why i think i'll have to resolve to NEVER forgetting. the point is how to take being forgotten in my stride. i suppose i handle it pretty well. (suppose. SUPPOSE.) but there's still much to learn, because it hurts. and i get angry and bitter. i dont think you can blame me. but i know that i still need to learn. there's so much more 'moving on' that can be done.

ever so often, you know someone is for keeps. and i'm just glad that i can count at least 3 people that i know are for keeps and will be there for me as far as humanly possible. one of them once told me that (having 3 people at least who are your real friends) is a feat some people never achieve in their life time, and here i am, 19 and going strong. this list will grow. i know it. because that's just me. :) there are some bordering on the sides going to enter the list soon already :P

i think very early on in my life i figured that if the world cant be there for me, then let me be there for the world. which has always been a philosophy for me. sure, it makes me sound like some kinda altruistic (i'm not altruistic, i know it. look for explanation later.) good hearted person who is selfless. maybe i am. but i think you gotta understand that's how i live with myself. knowing i'm a good person. so perhaps, it's for my own sake that i do this, which in itself is kinda selfish isnt it? so i'm not altruistic. just an insecure freak who needs this.

ok enough early morning ranting. need to get back to work. i am going to post song lyrics again. haha. oops. :P its just that this morning i heard this song and realised how much i miss my homies. it's one of the most beautiful songs i've heard in my life. and it has so much special meaning for me. :)

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance,
freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And did you fall for a shooting star
Fall for a shooting star
And are you lonely looking for yourself out there

i love you. :)

deep fried chicken.