i want to be weak

i'm fast running out of "liting you can do it"s and i am really starting to burn out. it's difficult, i know everyone says you'll be alright at the end, or you'll come through, but what if i'm that sucker who doesn't? that minority, unfortunate ones who just cant make the cut? i'm afraid. For the first time i'm really really afraid of how i'll do. with no grades to prove anything to myself or the world, i'm finding it increasingly difficult to live each day. knowing this will end soon is comforting, yes; but how it will end worries me and i sometimes find myself completely paralysed with fear. The grades break down is C C D E. for some strange reason i actually did relatively well for lit. i don't even dare look at my history paper 3 grade, because i didnt get my level 6 for source based question, and i messed up my essays. i don't think i can face ms goh. i must have made a bloody fool of myself. and Harris probably thinks i will be one of those who wont get an A for lit. I have a sickly feeling he might be right.

maybe i just want somebody to belive in me. i need someone now, who'll let me be weak. it's just been difficult and tiring, being strong for the people around me, being encouraging and just cheering people on. i want to crumble but i cannot. not because of anyone, it's just coz i can't find it within me to just let go now, because i know i'll hit rock bottom and it'll be terrible, horrible and extremely disastrous.

I will not allow myself to hit rock bottom.

that sounded extremely meek and weak. This cannot go on.

help.

lights will guide you home