i cannot write a song like bob marley

i'm both on cloud 9 and rock bottom at the same time. for one, i premiered my first single in public today and it was well received. so i am happy. the other is that jeane's leaving and i am sad. much as i try to look like it's all ok (to a large extent it actually is ...) i'm ALREADY missing her. man i really suck man but what the hell can i do? haha. you try having someone close go away for awhile lah. you see how you feel. but you know what, it's, on the other hand, a good thing for both of us i think. like she said, she's gonna come back all nicely fed on God's goodness and grace, while i know, that without her around it's a time for me to REALLY start to heal. not that she's holding me back, but yeah, i know that something good will come out of this. so i am, more or less, optimistic. :)

world peace. :)

and you know, actually australia's not THAT far, and APRIL isn't going to not come, and like she said, she's only gonna be gone for like, 2 months plus. so no need to really go all drama mama just coz she's leaving on a jet plane. i realised that my dreams of leaving singapore might be hard to really fulfill because i KNOW i will not be able to bear leaving all the wonderful people i've met so far. but i'm not gonna deal with that now. i'm just gonna let it happen and i know that something good will come out of all of this. God works great wonders. :)

and it's funny you know, on another note, how farah smses me randomly to ask strange questions. i miss that britney spears man. wonder how she is now. haha.

oh btw, there's this song on the new nickleback album which has fantastically funny lyrics. i'm always amused when i hear it. here. i shall type it out for you.

'you're beside me on the seat
Got your hands between my knees
and you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze'
- Animals, Nickleback

hahaha. i like nickleback. the latest CD is not a waste. :)

inevitably, posting, my thoughts go back to jeane. aiyoh. cannot. i cannot become mashed potatoes for the next 2 months. MOVING ON WITH LIFE! (thanks Dawn for this VALUABLE lesson in life. :P)

i need to figure out if i really wanna be teaching until may. right now i need to figure out what are those things that i feel i need to do out there.

things i WANT TO DO:
1. learn how to drive
2. find someone to teach me how to play my guitar better
3. Find Theatre opportunities and work (whatever possible, even if it's part of the crew that gets the star coffee, or just sweeps up after the show's done.)
4. WRITE (songs, poems, stories ETC.)
5. WEST SIDE STORY
6. Easter - i have a feeling this is going to be a real big project. MUST FOCUS
7. REST, because this IS my vacation. there'll be no period of time like that EVER again.
8. pick up a martial art, like muay thai. :)

but working at KC, i have MONEY to do all of the above. you know, actually right, it's not too bad a job. By 2pm i am done and i can leave. so that essentially still leaves the rest of the day for me to do my cool stuff. furthermore, actually, i just have to follow a strict scheme of work and the rest seems quite brainless. but of course, i'll barely get any rest lah. But then again, if it ends in may i have JUNE to rest. and well, it may not be a long time, but if i'm jobless i know i'll be damn BORED. it's just monday blues lah coz the weekend's not over yet.

and on a deeper level, it's also like, when i actually start working, i'll be having monday blues all the time, and so, i have to learn how to deal with it. and you know, i only spend about 6 hours a day at work, so like, i HAVE alot of time to do other shit. but of course, the marking hasn't begun. acutally right, with a little time management, and not giving too much work and all, i CAN still find time to do my own good stuff. and a secret part of me now actually enjoys working with these little kids. :)

so i think. i might be staying at KC anyway. so then i'll really TREASURE my free time. :) sometimes you just need to find reason to stay lah.

but a small part of me HOPES MOE will find a permenant teacher to come and take over me. then you know, i'd be forcibly displaced, and then i'll just have to look for another job. but as of now, really, for my lifestyle as of now, teaching isn't that bad. it's not really cramping my style. and God opened this door, so must make FULL use of it. :)

at the end of the day, i just really needed to work out everything.

yay.

ok i'm gonna go now coz this has been quite a long post.

oh and just coz i love jeane,

'Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there'

ok haha. i am gone now.

maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass.