wake me up before you go

you know it's on the right track when an sms that's at least 5 smses long moves you. and it's from someone who barely knows you. You know God is still good to you.

:)

i'm not great, but i'm feeling better.

the fence feels easier to get off now. which direction? i know now. :)

the tough get going.

why dont you come to your senses?

the audition came and went and coming to terms with not getting in is definitely hard on the ego as well as the self esteem. but nevertheless, i am not giving up, and no one will stop me from running after my dreams.

a few days ago i made a very important decision, to live not for myself, but yet, for God. and then of course, the next line of the song would be: Do you know what you are getting yourself into?

the answer? goodness knows. which, if you remove some letters from, becomes GOD knows, which i'm inclined to believe is the origin of the word. i'm scared as hell. of that commitment, as well as the consequences (which makes it sound worse than it really is) the commitment has. i'm not sure what to expect, what to do, how to act, how to come to terms with everything. and i sure as hell dont know how i'm going to let go and just walk on in faith. but i consider such a step (of even making that commitment) a step in the right direction, since it feels like eversince i stepped off the fence, i've sorta climbed back up.

i watch in envy sometimes, at how God seems to have delievered many of my friends, and i dont seem to have been able to make any progress with Him. maybe it's a personality thing, maybe it's just me, coz i'm so afraid of jumping in any direction i'm kinda stuck in limbo. i dare not throw myself head first into the heavenly reamls, because i'm not sure of what will happen to me. (although, ironically, i know it's going to be better than jumping the other way, but let's leave that to later shall we?) and jumping head first into the world? i dont know. it's probably a higher fence and thus, a harder fall. but that aside, this fence isnt the most comfortable of places to be, so, it's really not fun.

but most times i manage. i manage to find that elusive middle ground, to stay in between and hope that my sense of balance doesnt fail me. Though, it eventually will fail me.

well, whatever it is, i'm not gonna just sit around and wait for it to happen, whatever IT may be. it's either i jump one way, or the other, and this decision is hard to make. not because both sides are equally attractive (though they are close competitors) but because there's no way one can make a decision to buy that pair of shoes and not look back at those gorgeous nike air force ones you decided were not as nice as the one in the bag. and as long as you're in that first few days after your decision, you cant help but wonder if you should have gotten the air force ones instead.

so at the end of the day, its a tough decision already. when it concerns myself, it's even harder.

ok. i've rambled on about something i have an inkling only i will understand. time to stop. 2 questions more to go before i complete my assignment. good luck to me.

just twisted out of place

cow in a china shop.



for those who only know the first 3 lines of the song! :)

amazing vocals, eh? :D

from the outcome of my dinner

so long live the car crash hearts.

i dont care what people think of me because i love fall out boy to bits and no one will change my mind about that! :)

i promised pictures, so here they are! :)


this was when saw loser played. now you see what i mean aye? there were middle fingers in the air (not seen in this pict) but everyone was so fed up with them they sat down.


concert buddies! jesher and i, right to left. i dont know who that idiot in thw middle is, but he is prime exhibit no. 1 of rowdy expat kids who think they own singapore. there was this really good looking reporter doing a report on Fall out Boy and this dude asked the reporter: "nice legs, what time do they open?". i couldnt help but say out loud: "not like you can handle it!" arse.


best photo of the band given shoddy camera phone and being pretty far away from the stage. :) but you can still see clearly so haha :) they sounded great :) WOO HOO! :) i miss it already!!!

i have videos, but the whole youtube upload process is impossible and i'm lazy. heh :P

driving test next week! DIE!!!

cant stop listening to fall out boy!!!! emo. heh :P that's my trademark what! cannot blame me. :P

ok ok i gotta go.

and i saw god cry in the reflection of my enemies

anatomy of a Fall Out Boy

i can now strike out on my list of "things to do before i die" (this is so A WALK TO REMEMBER) one of the bands i want to see before i kick the bucket. :) FALL OUT BOY rocked. my socks off :) i think now that i've seen them play, i'm even more inspired to write songs and rock on. Jesher my buddy went with me and we decided that we will jam, and we WILL work something out. anyway, fall out boy is awesome, though the crowd was pretty young. i felt awfully old. and i saw some of my former students there and it's freaking weird. i think they must have been thinking: "look at ms tan! she's crazy. so weird." hey! teachers have an alter-ego too ok!? "ms tan" was someone you knew, but you didnt know who "ting" was. they were the same person, just different personalities :P

the singapore expo, by the way, could have done a better job at organising the crowd. everyone had to go into this big room, and the only way out to the concert hall was through a small door, no bigger than the one leading to my bedroom. i think injury, chaos and craziness were thus inevitable, considering these were trash talking, loud mouthed ang mo kids who think they are above the law. but i believe in karma, so i shall not bitch. seriously though, if they were only vaguely a little more well behaved, i would have enjoyed myself more.

and also. the opening bands were very strange. for one thing. the first band was from indonesia. i think they're called one buck short, or something like that. not bad though, they were. i liked. but i didnt understand a thing they sang. the accent abit the strong ah, eh. :) BUT. Saw loser came on next, and as usual, i believe in karma so i wont say anything. you get the picture?

anyway. i'm dead beat, contented, hungry and very much out of it, so i'm gonna head off to bed soon. :) i love my best friend who i havent spoken to in WEEKS. i miss you. i know you read this so haha.

OH by the way. i joined a singing competition. good luck to me. i hope the judges like it. SCARY!!!!!!

oh. and another thing: anonymous, whoever you are, i appreciate your compliment, but it'd be nice if you left a name next time. :)

ok. off i go!

i've got arrogance down to a science.