dashboard confessional

have been busy. sorry man. it's just been a crazy 2 weeks. come to think of it, a crazy 4 months since march. it ends on sunday. :)

and i just realised that if there was any one song that i want to have played at my funeral, it has to be Drops of Jupiter by Train. because it epitomises every relationship i hold dear to my heart. :)

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
With drops of Jupiter in her hair, hey, hey
She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's time to change, hey, hey
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and she talks like June, hey, hey

Tell me did you sail across the sun 
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded 
And that heaven is overrated 

Tell me, did you fall for a shooting star 
One without a permanent scar 
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there 

Now that she's back from that soul vacation
Tracing her way through the constellation, hey, hey
She checks out Mozart while she does tae-bo
Reminds me that there's room to grow, hey, hey

Now that she's back in the atmosphere
I'm afraid that she might think of me as plain ol' Jane
Told a story about a man who is too afraid to fly so he never did land

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back to the Milky Way
And tell me, did Venus blow your mind
Was it everything you wanted to find
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there

Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken
Your best friend always sticking up for you
Even when I know you're wrong
Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone conversation
The best soy latte that you ever had and me

Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way

Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated

Tell me did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself

And did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And did you fall for a shooting star
Fall for a shooting star
And are you lonely looking for yourself out there

it's late. i gotta sleep.

why should i wake up til then.

dear 2/5.

yes i know, i miss you all too man! like hello, i havent seen you all in such a long time. but i cant help it man, my schedule is crazy.

so hang in there. we will meet soon enough. and i know 'soon' is not good enough an answer, but i WILL meet you. i PROMISE.

now, i must go back to work. :P

on a chariot that's riding on a record wheel

dance hip hop yoda can



haha. :)

stuck with the sillhouettes of the non-existent.

i'm taking this very short period of recess where my boss leaves the office for her lunch to write this, because i really dont think it's a good idea to blog in front of her. in anycase.

:) baybeats rocked last night. the crowd was kinda tame though, and i really didnt feel like moshing because, a) the crowd was DAMN SCARY when they started pushing people around. and b) i just didnt really feel up to it. for one the music wasnt the most mosh worthy kind. it was good and all, but there was something lacking. except well, electrico was good, and the posies, albiet a little too heavy for me, rocked! other than that it wasnt quite what it should have been. simply put, it fell short of what expected baybeats to be.

it has, however, left me tired and not really feeling like i should be in the office at work. there is nothing much to be done also. tis irritating.

anyway.

i am blogging, a long one, so i think all of you would know it's going to get slightly emo.

well. i'm sorry. i try not to be. in a sense i'm just pissed off that i cant feel what i want to when i need to. just like how i want to be pissed with someone for cancelling on me, but i cant because it's just not right. because i fear i'm being over sensitive with my feelings and insensitive with someone else's.

on second thought. i dont really want to rant anymore. i'll just mourn the non-existence of friends who used to be there.

sometimes it's really not worth it being nice anymore. maybe dawn was right. i am too nice.

it's a little fucked up that i'm stuck here waiting, at times debating.

awful happens all the time, dont let it kill you

Jason Mraz - Hey Love

ba dah bum bum bum, ba dah buh da bum
ba da da dont fall out of bed
ba da bum bum dont fall out of bed
no not just yet

Stay, Hey love, where you going to?
You're not sleeping anymore, you're just trying to.
Hey, Stay love, where you running to?
Awful happens all the time, don't let it kill you.
I said easily with me I feel as fast as I can see..
Just afraid of all the horror stories I fall down on my knees.

Come away, come away
From all these things unheard
If a chosen word has got you cornered
Then it's a lesson learned
Like close the book before it burns you now

Come away, come away
From all these things unseen
At the price you paid I promise you won't believe anything they say
Belief will only disappoint you now
Well in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you.
Dont be afraid to face and break it, your secrets safe
Dont be afriad to face and break it, your secret stays, stays, stayin

Hey, Hey Love, where ya goin, ya goin to?
Your not sleeping, your not sleeping here, no not
Hey Love, Hey Love, Hey Love,
where you running to?
Awful happens all the time, try not to let it kill you.

ba dah bum bum bum, ba duh bum bum

this is not one of those *dramatic lighting, violins in the background* 'She's gone! *wails, screams, sobs, bawls* kinda posts. it's one with hope. dawn's gone, but we'll all be ok. we know it :)

anyway. it's funny how these past few days have been like a whole total stress ride, and i've gotten through it, and, on top of that, found God in all of it all. amazing. maybe his presence in my life is more than i've ever acknowledged. but it is and it's a wonderful joy to know that things could have been worse, but it isnt. so i'm good to go. :)

basically, i dont really wanna bitch anymore, but i'll just move on and try my best at everything else. :)

in anycase, last night's comedy improv show was fantastic. i think comedy improv is the epitome of theatre, where it's all on the spot, with good energy, timing, great working relationships, and sensing of each other. remember the times back in TSD where we played all these 'sensing each other' games, and like, trying to reach the highest number without speaking at the same time. it's all about that, as well as knowing exactly what your partner is thinking, and thinking quickly on your feet. comedy improv is a really good way to train the theatrical mind, and it brings it all back down to the point of theatre itself; the art of performing. it's taking things back to basics, minus fancy lights, minus fancy costumes, minus spectacular sets, props and makeup. it's just 3 women in a lighted space, with some fantabulous piano tunes (stinky, i love you too.). and it's a refreshing feeling to finally watch some real theatre again. :) tis a beautiful world.

but of course, now i'm back in reality, leaving the theatre behind for awhile.

2 days ago i realised i was in the right industry, but in the wrong sector. i should be backstage, learning production and how to do it, and training my lighting and sounds skills. and i also figured, theatre may be the way to go, but music is my first love, and i'm ready to drop all of this to pursue it. in production of course :) i'm going to become a music producer like dr dre, or eminem or kanye or whoever. :)

stop dreaming. start believing. :)

ok i gotta go. world peace ya'll!

in case you never noticed the path you never chose has chosen you

post 301: the inevitable passing of time

dear friends.

i am glad that our paths crossed. i am glad that i studied next to VJ, close enough to hear about TSD, and realised that if i didnt do something about this performing passion of mine, my life would fall through on itself. and so. i defied every single thing people who knew me thought i was. i jumped headfirst into an abyss of arts from the safety net of science. and i never looked back. i never, once, in my 2 years in VJ, wished i was in Science stream. and you know what, it wasnt just TSD. it was you guys.

and now, it's been 2 years and going, and people are flying away, and it hurts. i can't believe that this journey must end (or has ended) and we must all move on, with or without each other. i tried my best not to cry; thinking back on reading room antics and the mad mugging; thinking of the buttered popcorn days and the fainting incident which i remember left half the crew in tears; thinking of the old workshop, where the dust, the rust and the nitty gritty gave the place more character than black shelves, glass top tables and a paint splattered floor; of wheel chair racing in the confines of our TSD area, to blading across east coast, as far as we possibly can; thinking of dollying, and taking model shots like we were gonna be on the cover of VOGUE or something; thinking of the fact we always seemed to be late for whatever play we wished to watch, even when we make that effort to go earlier; thinking of where we were going to go from then, and looking back on where we are. dear friends; i'm glad we're still together.

i'm glad that when we went to dawn's the usual motley crew was all there, with some notable missing people. i'm glad that we had fun, sitting by the pool and talking about whatever in general, and hearing one more of crystal's mispronounced words. i'm glad that pizza tastes great with wine, and that cho can finally drive. i'm glad that even though we'll once again, be spread across the world, albiet for a much longer time, we'll be back, and one day, we'll gather again at dawn's to perhaps, have smoked salmon canapes with dom perignon. i'm glad; that we will choose hanging out with each other over a better use of a saturday evening, because a better use doesnt exist.

and so, dear friends, i hope we'll never say a goodbye for good, because we have too much to let go of. and you know, there's no need to. :)

dear friend i love you, we're still under the same sky. - With my guitar by LT

in truths that she learnt, or in times that he cried
in the bridges he burnt, or the way that she died?
it's time now, to sing out, though the story never ends
let's celebrate, remember a year in the life of friends,

remember the love?
remember the love?
remember the love?
measure in love
Seasons of love

sitting down here trying to figure out why

went on a random blog surf today coz i was looking for photos to put into the secret (not anymore!) Dawn video and read some stuff. i havent read some people's blogs in a super duper long time, so i guess it was nice catching up and all. funny how reading crystal's LONG AGO post about coming to VJ for the first time, and TSD, it all suddenly flooded back, memories, of all the joy, laughter, hugs, love, sweat, tears and the occasional blood. i can only pray that uni will be as enriching.

and looking back, TSD did change my life. :) what a wonderful 2 years it turned out to be. :)

anyway.

so yes. secret dawn video, which i shall attempt to finish, shall be unveiled on sat at the gathering. come and be prepared to see the extremes, the never-seen-before and the over-screened pictures, videos and stuff. :) things you never thought you'd see (HEH. :P) shall be revealed. ... ok i exaggerate :P but it'll be worth it! haha.

thinking back, i just realised that the FIRST EVER video i ever made for ANYONE, was the dawn and crystal birthday vid in year 1. bet you guys never saw it before huh? haha :) well. if dawn allows, you will see it too. actually, dawn doesnt dictate what i put in or out the video. WAHA! i am powerful. :P

ok. i better start working on it. :)

til the next log in.

feel the rain on your skin

nothing you can do to save me

i hate knowing that my productivity lies in someone else's hands. the designer is not answering his calls. this is highly sickening. SIGH.

it's really quite screwed up knowing you cant control the situation, and you really rely on others to be able to complete what you need to do. which is why i feel like i have alot to accomplish, but yet i can't do anything.

ANYWAY. i dont want to blog about football. the world cup is going to go home in the hands of an undeserving team, and i dont want to talk about it. football is no longer just about the game.

throughout the week i had alot of things to think about, and i havent had a chance to pen them down, so they've all disappeared into my subconcious. i think it's funny how when i first started blogging as 'ephemeral_thing', it was merely a name because i thought the word was cool, but now, it's really what it is; all my thoughts are ephemeral, never to be recaptured, except for those i manage to write down and publish.

wei jun leaves on sat. it's heart breaking, knowing after him, it'll be dawn, and then everyone else will up and leave, leaving me alone again, naturally. i am happy that my friends get to go overseas and better themselves, but at the same time, filled with bitterness that they're going and not me, and filled with sadness that they wont be here. i know it'll hurt, no matter how much they say they'll be back. so excuse me if i'm being emo. i'm not good with saying goodbye.

sometimes i tell myself, maybe, maybe if i stop loving my friends and people around me, it wouldnt hurt as bad as it does. it's a stupid concept of course, considering that what hurts cant be compared to the joy of being with people. but it's a concept that works, that allows one to exist without ever trying. but of course, in the wise words of Coldplay,

'But if you never try, you'll never know. Just what you're worth.'

i think a very good way to judge your human worth is to know how much you love and how much you're being loved. so then, if i tell myself to stop loving, then i would be worthless and i might as well not live. i dont think we were put here with the intention of existing. we were put in this place with the intention to live, and living constitutes loving.

so. after reading this, go tell some body in the house, some body in you contact list, some body on msn that you love that person. :) be random and make someone's day.

liting, signing out! :)

life is a cabaret, Old Chum!