nobody gonna love me better

i figured i needed to post so that people dont think i'm perpetually angsty and depressed. the week turned out alright and i'm acutally not that disgruntled with my job.

so. :)

the world is once again at peace.

and i miss jeane. SIGH.

oh.

Happy CNY people!!! time to eat all the bee cheng hiang in the world and grow fat. :P

oh my poor throat.

anyway.

what a nonsensical post this has turned out to be. waha. i feel like there's so much to write about, and yet ... hmmm.

oh! i think all of you should go and watch CRASH. if you enjoyed the style love actually is written in, you'll enjoy this. :) STYLE ah. the story and plot and all are totally different. anyway, quotable quote to get you excited! :)

'it's the sense of touch. in any real city, you walk, you know? you brush past people, people bump into you. in L.A, nobody touches you. we're always behind this metal and glass. i think we miss that touch so much, we crash into each other just so we can feel something.'

heh. :)

anyway, i gotta go off now.

gong heh phat choy.

isn't it messed up how i'm just dying to be him

bottom of the rung

i cant believe that these KC idiots want me to stay for 5 months and they don't give me my own access code to the staff room and other amenities, they dont give me a proper pigeon hole so the kids can hand in their work, and they throw me some normal tech class which i have absolutely no idea how to deal with or control.

i am just freaking frustrated right now.

i dont have to take this shit anymore if i dont want to man. i'm only in it for the cash.

damn dawg. this is real shit.

a loaded gun complex, cock it and pull it.

Free Loop – Daniel Powter

I'm a little used to calling outside your name
I wont see you tonight so I can keep from going insane
But I don't know enough, I get some kinda lazy day
Hey yeah

I've been fabulous through to fight my town a name
I'll be stooped tomorrow if I don't leave as them both the same
But I dont know enough, I get some kinda lazy day
Hey yeah

Cause it's hard for me to lose
In my life I've found only time will tell
And I will figure out that we can baby
We can do a one night stand, yeah
And it's hard for me to lose in my life
I've found outside your skin right near the fire
That we can baby
We can change and feel alright

I'm a little used to wandering outside the rain
You can leave me tomorrow if it suits you just the same
But I don't know enough, I need someone who leaves the day
Hey yeah

Cause it's hard for me to lose
In my life I've found only time will tell
And I will figure out that we can baby
We can do a one night stand, yeah
And it's hard for me to lose in my life
I've found outside your skin right near the fire
That we can baby
We can change and feel alright

nothing like a song like that. sorta talks vaguely about what i feel now. i'm not that affected by stuff you know. i'm actually doing reasonably well by standards. :)

and rau, haha. very funny. green and bald. what a sight. it gives me hope that these are the men defending our country. i wonder why i still wanna leave if war comes to singapore.

anyway. i found another perfect song to describe my feeling now. hahaha :P i'm like a mixture of goo and fun. ok i'm totally not making sense. haha. :P

Better Together - Jack Johnson

There is no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
And no song that I could sing, but I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a shoebox of photographs with sepia tone loving

Love is the answer
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Why are we here and where do we go
And how come it's so hard
It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing
It's always better when we're together

Mmm, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, we'll look at the stars when we're together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together

And all of these moments just might find a way into my dreams tonight
But I know that they'll be gone when the morning light sings
Or brings new things for tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too, too many things I have to do
But if all of these dreams might find their way into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression I was somewhere in between
With only two, just me and you, not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be, we'll sit beneath the mango tree now

Yeah, it's always better when we're together
Mmm, we're somewhere in between together
Well, it's always better when we're together
Yeah, it's always better when we're together (mmm)

I believe in memories, they look so, so pretty when I sleep
And when I wake up, you look so pretty sleeping next to me
But there is not enough time
And there is no, no song I could sing
And there is no combination of words I could say
But I will still tell you one thing
We're better together

ok i'm gonna go before i sprout nonsense. haha :P

shoebox of photographs

i cannot write a song like bob marley

i'm both on cloud 9 and rock bottom at the same time. for one, i premiered my first single in public today and it was well received. so i am happy. the other is that jeane's leaving and i am sad. much as i try to look like it's all ok (to a large extent it actually is ...) i'm ALREADY missing her. man i really suck man but what the hell can i do? haha. you try having someone close go away for awhile lah. you see how you feel. but you know what, it's, on the other hand, a good thing for both of us i think. like she said, she's gonna come back all nicely fed on God's goodness and grace, while i know, that without her around it's a time for me to REALLY start to heal. not that she's holding me back, but yeah, i know that something good will come out of this. so i am, more or less, optimistic. :)

world peace. :)

and you know, actually australia's not THAT far, and APRIL isn't going to not come, and like she said, she's only gonna be gone for like, 2 months plus. so no need to really go all drama mama just coz she's leaving on a jet plane. i realised that my dreams of leaving singapore might be hard to really fulfill because i KNOW i will not be able to bear leaving all the wonderful people i've met so far. but i'm not gonna deal with that now. i'm just gonna let it happen and i know that something good will come out of all of this. God works great wonders. :)

and it's funny you know, on another note, how farah smses me randomly to ask strange questions. i miss that britney spears man. wonder how she is now. haha.

oh btw, there's this song on the new nickleback album which has fantastically funny lyrics. i'm always amused when i hear it. here. i shall type it out for you.

'you're beside me on the seat
Got your hands between my knees
and you control how fast we go by just how hard you wanna squeeze'
- Animals, Nickleback

hahaha. i like nickleback. the latest CD is not a waste. :)

inevitably, posting, my thoughts go back to jeane. aiyoh. cannot. i cannot become mashed potatoes for the next 2 months. MOVING ON WITH LIFE! (thanks Dawn for this VALUABLE lesson in life. :P)

i need to figure out if i really wanna be teaching until may. right now i need to figure out what are those things that i feel i need to do out there.

things i WANT TO DO:
1. learn how to drive
2. find someone to teach me how to play my guitar better
3. Find Theatre opportunities and work (whatever possible, even if it's part of the crew that gets the star coffee, or just sweeps up after the show's done.)
4. WRITE (songs, poems, stories ETC.)
5. WEST SIDE STORY
6. Easter - i have a feeling this is going to be a real big project. MUST FOCUS
7. REST, because this IS my vacation. there'll be no period of time like that EVER again.
8. pick up a martial art, like muay thai. :)

but working at KC, i have MONEY to do all of the above. you know, actually right, it's not too bad a job. By 2pm i am done and i can leave. so that essentially still leaves the rest of the day for me to do my cool stuff. furthermore, actually, i just have to follow a strict scheme of work and the rest seems quite brainless. but of course, i'll barely get any rest lah. But then again, if it ends in may i have JUNE to rest. and well, it may not be a long time, but if i'm jobless i know i'll be damn BORED. it's just monday blues lah coz the weekend's not over yet.

and on a deeper level, it's also like, when i actually start working, i'll be having monday blues all the time, and so, i have to learn how to deal with it. and you know, i only spend about 6 hours a day at work, so like, i HAVE alot of time to do other shit. but of course, the marking hasn't begun. acutally right, with a little time management, and not giving too much work and all, i CAN still find time to do my own good stuff. and a secret part of me now actually enjoys working with these little kids. :)

so i think. i might be staying at KC anyway. so then i'll really TREASURE my free time. :) sometimes you just need to find reason to stay lah.

but a small part of me HOPES MOE will find a permenant teacher to come and take over me. then you know, i'd be forcibly displaced, and then i'll just have to look for another job. but as of now, really, for my lifestyle as of now, teaching isn't that bad. it's not really cramping my style. and God opened this door, so must make FULL use of it. :)

at the end of the day, i just really needed to work out everything.

yay.

ok i'm gonna go now coz this has been quite a long post.

oh and just coz i love jeane,

'Tell me did the wind sweep you off your feet
Did you finally get the chance to dance along the light of day
And head back toward the Milky Way
Tell me did you sail across the sun
Did you make it to the Milky Way to see the lights all faded
And that heaven is overrated
Tell me did you fall for a shooting star
One without a permanent scar
And did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there'

ok haha. i am gone now.

maybe start to wonder how the chaos in our lives could pass.

cornerstone

last night i posted something which i hope no body really read. i took it off coz it was really stupid. if you did read it though, i'm totally fine now :)

ok. my day looks set to become really boring. GAH.

time to go and plan my lessons.

i'm thinking of all the things i'm getting myself into, and i'm really beginning to think that i may not be able to quit after march, when my teaching appointment sorta ends. but i don't think i can continue until may because i need the time to do my own stuff and live my own life. Which is why i am refusing to make my job top priority now. NO WAY. church is the main thing in my life now and thinking about the responsibilities coming my way, i'm seriously considering quitting in march so that i can concentrate on CAM. in the first place as of now teaching is just like a job to me where there's good money to be earned. i am NOT going to make it anything more than that.
it's not that i'm doing something i don't want to do. it's just that. well. i didnt quite get what i expected. and social studies, let's face it, is just totally propaganda. or as sayers would say: propagoose. (A ganda is the collective word for geese, as in the bird. so it's a ganda of geese) ok that was the pseudo-english teacher speaking there. GAH!!!

ok i better stop. it just occurred to me that students might be reading all of these.

bye!

be my fortress strong