getting into you

Relient K - I am Understood

sometimes it's embarrassing to talk to you
to hold a conversation with the only one who sees right through
this version of myself
i try to hide behind
i'll bury my face because my disgrace will leave me terrified

and sometimes i'm so thankful for your loyalty
your love regardless of the mistakes i make will spoil me
my confidence is, in a sense, a gift you've given me
and i'm satisfied to realize you're all i'll ever need

you looked into my life
and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood

and sometimes i spend my time
just trying to escape
i work so hard, so desperately, in an attempt to create space
cause i want distance from the utmost important thing i know
i see your love, then turn my back, and beg for you to go

you looked into my life
and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood

you're the only one who understands
completely
you're the only one who knows me yet still loves completely

and sometimes the place i'm at is at a loss for words
if i think of something worthy, i know that it's already yours
and through the times i've faded and you've outlined me again
you've just patiently waited, to bring me back and then

you looked into my life
and never stopped
and you're thinking all my thoughts
are so simple but so beautiful
and you recite my words right back to me
before i even speak
you let me know, i am understood

the noise has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation
your voice has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation

the noise has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation
your voice has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation

the noise has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation
your voice has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation

your voice has broken my defense
let me embrace salvation
let me embrace
let me embrace salvation

this is my cry Lord, hear me.

because You got to me

for my best friend, who will be home next week.



i want to know all about it!!! :D:D:D

hahaha. you look funny. but it looks REAL COOL!!! :D

drinks are on YOU, by the way. heh :P

lights will guide you home

will you be the saviour of the broken?

i remember a time when i used to be able to fall in love. seems like some time ago, but all that's changed now. i suppose when you get your life back on track, it's a doubled edge sword.

i dont think i'm at fault. who doesnt want to find that one true love? i just tend to find it in the wrong places.

this goes out, especially, to the girl with borrowed shoes:
i wanted to fly to where you were and just hold you.

but the truth of the matter is, i'll still love, whether deep inside, or somewhere else. i know somewhere it's there.

dont ask me where it's from.

i dont know. it just, is.

this is my declaration of love, to all those who know by now, who dont know yet, or will know in the future. this is out to you.

i dont know what i can save you from.

but you have my promise i'll do my best.

you called me after midnight

do you like coffee in the evening.

you know, the more i live, the more i'm convinced of the bonding properties of theatre and pursuing it. i think that perhaps what attracts me most to working in the theatre industry is all the people i've met, all the people i've worked with, and all the people i've had the priviledge of bonding with. and i think it's really funny how people always seem so amazed when i say my JC experience was more enjoyable than my secondary school experience. i think the component in my JC equation which was not in theirs was TSD. and the beautiful people that graced the walls of our dark cupboard of a changing room in our old studio and fell asleep in the wardrobe of the new one.

i'm writing, because i realised that i'm beginning to collect memories in NUS. and it's only the first semester, which makes me optimistic as to how it'll all turn out. yes. mark the change in expression towards feelings about NUS. i feel almost embarrased for lambasting it so much previously. :P

i think no matter how much i felt Theatre Studies in NUS wasnt fun, well, it's changed. we had our group presentation for our Practical portion of assesment yesterday, and i went to bed at 7am in the morning after working the whole night on a portfolio for lighting design. when i woke at 11am, naturally i was a little deranged. but adrenaline, that beautiful chemical, pumped through my system and i was wide awake.

i cant imagine myself actually talking good stuff about theatre studies, but i suppose if i am to join it, at some point i must find that one thing that makes it enjoyable. i only wished my group mates would consider taking TS too. i think they're all brilliant, and honestly, i could not have asked for anyone better. :)

so here are photos, those precious memories forever kept alive by technology. :) i dont have all the nice ones, but i'm putting in the better ones :)



Our beautiful set. :) the peranankan way of life is quite funky, ah? :)


i have to prove my skills as a lighting designer, dont i? if only i wasnt limited by the setting man! i had to use whatever there was. absolutely no way of re-rigging!!


Our dearly beloved director. you should have seen his dynamics with Zhon Yun. hilarious!!! :D


that's us, without the director. guy in the photo's the set designer. me doing lights, therefore rest of them doing acting. i think they were in character. :)


we were the moving company. we had to get up abonimably early one saturday when we had rehearsals to move stuff from our homes in the east to get to clementi by 630am. yes. i woke up at 5. that's yisi by the way. :) love the dude to bits lah, especially after all the near death experiences we had in her car. P Plate what!

ok that's about it for now. nice photos not here yet. when i get em i'm uploading them :)

now, econs, that sickening science passing off as an arts subject, beckons. SIGH. exams. DAMNIT.

do you do you like dreaming of things so impossible?

tapestries.

because i will always remember that ONE conversation, that defined us. the one where you said to your sister

"dont bully my best friend."

and i looked at you, and you smiled. :)

i love you stinky.

call me, the parking pontianak

look at what i found on youtube! :)



i love the dim sum dollies! :)

we're just misunderstood lah

i could have another you in a minute.

i dont think i'm much of a feminist, but i really have some kinda attraction to girl power songs. i guess maybe it's just a general thing; i've got a liking to songs with positive or meaningful lyrics. add to that a funky ass beat and a really good song is born. and it's rare that i find a song i can't get enough of. (ok, that was half true :P) but in the spirit of promoting a nice song that i think everyone should hear, at the end of this post will come my new "raving" song. :)

i wished R&B was as much in my blood as i want it to be. maybe i'm still young and learning, but i really think i might have a career in music as a producer. well, at least that's what i'de like to wish. nothing makes me happier than working on putting beats and chords together. and since my power with words has been eluding me recently, i havent written a new song in some time. just a couple of months back i gave myself 4 years to produce my own album. 4 years. realistic? this is inclusive of being discovered ok. hopefully i do have it in me. i am a dreamer, i guess, but it dont hurt, do it? :)

little shop is fun, but very draining and tiring. plus it hurts my voice because i gotta use it so much. sigh.

ah well. anyway, here is the song :)

beyonce - Irreplaceable



to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmmmmmm

to the left to the left
everything you own in the box to the left
in the closet, thats my stuff
yes, if I bought it, then please don't touch (don't touch)

and keep on talking that mess, thats fine
could you walk and talk, at the same time?
and- its my name thats on that bag
so go move your bags, let me call you a cab
standing in the front yard, telling me
how I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
how I'll never ever find a man like you

you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
you're irreplaceable

so go ahead and get gone
call up that chick, and see if shes home
oops I bet you thought, that I didn't know
what did you think
I was putting you out for?
because you was untrue
rolling around in the car that I bought you
baby, drop them keys
hurry up, before your taxi leaves

standing in the front yard, telling me
how I'm such a fool, talking 'bout
how I'll never ever find a man like you

you got me twisted

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
you're irreplaceable

so since I'm not your everything
how about I'll be nothing? nothing at all to you
baby i won't shed a tear for you
I won't lose a wink of sleep
cause the truth of the matter is
replacing you was so easy

to the left
to the left

to the left
to the left

mmmmmmmm

to the left to the left
everything you own in the box to left

to the left to the left
don't you ever for a second get to thinking
you're irreplaceable

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute (baby)

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you by tomorrow
so don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'

you must not know 'bout me
you must not know 'bout me
I could have another you in a minute
matter fact, he'll be here in a minute

you can pack all your things- we're finished
cause you made your bed now lay in it
I could have another you by tomorrow
don't you ever for a second get to thinkin'
you're irreplaceable

aiite. gotta run.

you must not know 'bout me.

speaking words of wisdom.

erica, pleading for help on history assignment:

"[22:19:21] erica*harpist says:
i'm surrounded by year 2 history majors and i think the cold war is a fight between penguins and polar bears so you get the picture."

haha. :) polar bears and penguins. i root for them penguins! :)

it's difficult to catch up with people's lives sometimes, when you barely have time to keep up with blogs and all. but i also realise that i miss all the people overseas a hell lot. and secretly i'm jealous because i wanna be overseas too. in the words of seymour "someone gimme my shot, or i'll rot here."

no little shop today. it's dark night, obviously a concept lost on me because i was supposed to have rested but had to go to school. bummed. i should hit the sheets soon. i havent actually seen little shop, and i'm absolutely buzzing with excitement to see it on wed when i get my comps, though i gave them away and bought myself a ticket. :) i love the puppet. i've seen it and it REALLY LOOKS VERY NICE. will take pictures and upload :)

i had a lot of thoughts to pen down tonight, but now i'm not sure what those thoughts were already. i'm gonna get out of control, and just type.

i've read 3 plays in the past weekend and concluded that eugene o'neill may be great, but he really is a drag to read. i tried to finish long day's journey into night (which would have been no.4 and an accomplishment) but i was thwarted at the start of act 2, because it really is kinda going around in circles, and very depressing. knowing that it was autobiographical just made me feel really sad for o'neill. i think it takes alot to write a good play huh? blood, sweat, tears, hate, fear, anger etc. and then, you write, and young people across the globe log on to sparknotes.com and read the condensed version. and then you get suckers like me who prefer reading locally written plays than the american classic. cant help it. sometimes it's too much for me to take.

went to a granduncle's funeral, who i dont even remember was my relative. i just went. thank goodness there was no scuffle involving joss sticks and saffron robed monks.

on a separate note, researching on peranakan culture and i conclude it's fascinating stuff. i dont know how, but it led me to go look up what the meaning of "sukiyaki" was, because i like that song but i dont know what it meant. lyrics translated here:

I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Remembering those happy spring days
But tonight I'm all alone
I look up when I walk
Counting the stars with tearful eyes
Remembering those happy summer days
But tonight I'm all alone

Happiness lies beyond the clouds
Happiness lies above the sky

I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Though my heart is filled with sorrow
For tonight I'm all alone

(whistling, whistling)
Remembering those happy autumn days
But tonight I'm all alone

Sadness hides in the shadow of the stars
Sadness lurks in the shadow of the moon

I look up when I walk
So the tears won't fall
Thought my heart is filled with sorrow
For tonight I'm all alone
(whistling)

i knew it was bitter sweet, but i didnt think it would be SO bad. but i like it none the less. it embodies one thing which i'm beginning to pick up. the fact that a good song is one where the music, or the track, or whatever you call it backs up the meaning of the lyrics. it's not just 3 chords and a beat anymore. it's gotta have a link. and i'm bent now, on writing songs like that. not that i should be purposely forcing it out of course; it would take the fun out of it all. but yes. my song writing philosophy, i have learnt, shall change over time. that's what makes it exciting.

i am going to sign off, because my thoughts are blurry, which signals that i am tired and should head off to bed. before i sleep tonight i shall say a prayer, and hope that all will be well.

good night.

"though they may be hardened
there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer,
let it be."
- The beatles "Let it Be"



i hate when things are over, when so much is left undone.

i think i'm going off again.

little shop is in full swing now, and i know there's some of you out there who wished you could be here seeing it, so i'll steal you a poster or something and you can pretend you saw it.

dim sum dollies this year has been fun so far, but different without esplanade toilet trips and the usual FOH crew. part of why i enjoyed it so much was coz of all that, so it's kinda like, lacking i suppose. and victoria theatre has no air conditioning, which led me to exclaim how much i wished it would snow in singapore. Tough luck, i think, to be born in a tropical country. I WANT TO SEE SNOW. somewhere other than snow city.

i've come to the conclusion i cannot write very coherently, because expression is not my forte. being misunderstood, i suppose, as robbie said, doesnt "do me any good". i suppose that's why i've been worried about silences with jeane and stinky. i dont think it's because i'm uncomfortable, but i think it's because i dont want to be fake and empty, so expression, which i do on a regular basis to cover up those insecurities, becomes zilch, so that i know i'm being real. i'm not sure if THAT was coherent, but i can say for certain that is kinda how i feel.

so maybe, at the end of the day, there's nothing to be worried about.

i'm not missing jeane as much as i thought i would have (the bugger's in KL), which i cannot decide is a good thing or bad thing. i DO miss her, but sometimes i barely see her for weeks on end, and it seems like it's possible to condition one self to not miss someone you barely see anyway. then there are times we spend extended periods of time together, and then i start to miss her again when she disappears. it's a cycle which i'm not optimistic i'll soon be breaking out of.

i dont think, though, i should be worried about not missing her and shit. i love the bugger and i think it's enough.

3 weeks to exams, but i feel like NUS is still so new to me. i dont know why, but i think one reason why i havent really made friends with anybody is because i feel like i look down on people, and so i naturally distance myself from them. i have a fear that what i percieve myself to be, is not really what i am, i'm afraid i'll see that maybe i'm not that great after all. it would majorly suck for me, but not because of who's watching (if anyone's watching). it would be because i'll feel like i'm useless and stupid.

did i mention, by chance, that i feel like i've been shortchanged by my education in NUS. it doesnt feel like what i thought uni would feel like. it doesnt, at this point, really stimulate me intellectually. but then again, what counts for intellectual stimulation?

anyway, i'm sleepy and half gone already. better allow myself to drift into a midnight sweet dream. someone please send me a cute, hot boy.

someone asked me today if i'm straight. i didnt know what to say.

been around and i'm wondering why.

come up to meet you.

i heard "the Scientist" today, and i never realised how much i missed you.

COME BACK STINKY!!!



"no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh take me back to the start.."

i miss my best friend. SIGH.

if you wanna be in my shoes then get in.