another depressing day again ...

i got the freaking letter from MOE today ... just found out that i didnt get the Humanities Scholarship ... i'm upset because i really hoped to get it ... but i didnt ... so i'm feeling rather bitter about it ... argh ...

anyway ... i've been wasting my time doing crap ... so i shall make a resolution ... i will start work proper ... even if it kills me i will ... i'm damn stressed, and i'm starting to doubt JC life is for me ... i guess if i hafta i'll drop out at the end of this year ... ok ... i shall stop thinking so negative ...

anyway ... erm ... had a pretty ok day today i guess ... been bored almost the whole day ... i really wish i cld just pon school one day ... just to retreat and do my work ... sighs ... i feel like i'm behind everyone else in A52 ... i feel like i'm plunging into some sort of self pity hole ... argh!!!!! need ... to ... get ... out ...

ok ... i pissed myself off today again ... coz i just didnt know how to deal with Jene's stoicism ... never had this kinda thing before ... and i just had no idea what to do/say/feel ... i felt really bad ... i'm afraid of many things ... but i dont wanna lose this friendship like the others ... i've got too many broken relationships to deal with ... dang it ... :(

ok ... will stop depressing myself and you ... hmm ...

come take me home

blah blah blah ... got lots to say ... :)

haha ... today was another more or less good day ... ok .. it was average lah ... :) i mean, how fun can college gardening get? but the good thing was i spent almost the whole late morning early afternoon with stinky!!! :) went back to family day today ... like walked in and got mugged by all my juniors ... pulling me from every angle ... in the end, retreated into the staff room ... smthing i never got to do before ...

anyway ... went for T-teaching lah ... then before that hung out in church ... yeah ... got very bored ... sigh ... kinda got abit irritated with jene for no reason again i guess ... need to keep my cool man ... and actually i guess i was just pissed at both of them for being an item ... k like i just am confused lah ... i love them both as friends ... but it's painful to know you're alone and they've got each other ... sigh ...

ok ... shall stop for awhile ...

come take me home

blogging again ...

haha ... so ok ... i had a GOOD day today ... rehearsals went really good ... and i think i'm definately changing my lead actor ... i just feel like i need people who i can rely on to turn up ... even though the replacement is but an understudy ... i think he's doing a great job ... :)

anyway, erm ... got lotsa stuff to do ... i'm very bummed out ... but my spirits are kinda high ... i got an A for my theatre spaces assignment *clap please!* hehe ... but not to brag i guess ... i'm just very happy lah ... :) feel encouraged now to do my best for TSD ... :)

anyway ... i'm kinda at a lost of what to run for for PA crew ex-co ... i'm afraid to run for some posts cause i have no confidence of actually getting the post ... i guess with TSD i'll be like really tired and really busy anyway ... i dunno ... sigh ...

ok ... i still miss my senior!! :P Stinky ... miss you! *hug* hope to see you soon ...

come take me home

ok ... this is starting to get depressing ...

hmm ... guess what ... had a bad day again ... i think my life is plunging into depression ... i dunno what the hell is going on ... but all i know now is i'm too darn scared to be alone ... i need people with me ... shoots ... argh ...

anyway we had TSD GM today ... some scolding, some nice stuff ... but i guess overall the seniors were all right ... i felt partially responsible for the absence of a shut-up crew ... ok not partially, fully ... i hope the seniors wont blame me ... hmm ... even though the scoldings were not directed personally at individuals ... you know, it's like you can sense who that senior's talking about ... hmm ... few times i felt like i was the one they were refering to. sighs ... being the TSD rep's becoming tough ...

ok ... so ... i SHALL make it a point to have a GOOD day tomoro ... have easter rehearsal ... i hope that people will show up ... and they'll be on time ... i just wished i could work more professionally with them ... jene reminded me i'm losing my focus ... i think i need sometime to sort that out as well ... amazing how jene can say so much using so little words ... hmm ...

anyway ... still miss my senior ... (no, it's not you Calin ... sorry :P) i cant meet her on the 3rd coz i got TSD Theatre Slam ... not that i'm complaining, but it really spoiled my hopes i guess ... but ... i SHALL have a GOOD time at Theatre Slam .... c'mon, it's TSD ... it wont be anything less than fun ... :)

so ok ... like i've gotta stop now ... hmm ...

come take me home

had a bad day again ...

this is weird ... why the hell am i blogging?! sighs ... cause i feel alone in a room full of people ... haha .. sigh ... the stoopid lady selling uniforms today just reminded me of my colossal size ... damnit! well well ... it's not turning out to be a good day ... i'm still feeling sorry for getting pissed with jene for noe reason yesterday ... and my classmate didnt make it thru appeals ... i'm sad that she's going ... i mean ... i actually thot we got along pretty well ... sigh ... haha ... the song 'unpretty' is playing in the background. kinda describes my feeling now ... shit ...

anyway ... got news of my senior's grades .. some unexpected man ... dun really know how to help ... sigh ... and i'm scared that pple might get the wrong idea abt me ... like i hope they dont think i'm some contrite idiot ... hmm ... i feel shy ... but that's so not me ... well ... anyway ... easter's round the corner ... i feel so inadequate to be incharge ... like i'm too far away ... this song came to mind today ...

Times of refreshing
here in your presence
no greater blessing,
than being with You

My soul is restored,
my mind is renewed
there's no greater joy, Lord,
than being with you

yeah ... sighs ... hmm ... wont say no F****ing more ...

come take me home

my stoopid name is spelt wrongly. dont laugh ...

ok so i mistyped my name ... (why are you laughing?) i'm just a confused kid. :P well anyway ... simply love A52 man ... even though sometimes it feels off hanging with them. hmm ... i dunno ... i feel so different from them. anyway ... :) think it's a wonderful class anyway. :)

blah blah ... i miss my senior. :) sighs ... want to hug!!!! :P

come take me home

ok now that this actually works ...

dont be too fussy abt what you see on my blog ... i cant really be bothered what you think ... anyway ... i'm bored ... i think GP should just DIE!!! sighs! :P i'm too blardy lazy to do GP now ... sighs ... no inspiration to write ... damnit ... :)

anyway, i think since this is the first time i actually have a blog (i can hear you gasping) ... then i shall not talk too much crap. having a bad time nowadays ... trying to find my way home. i feel too far away for comfort ... well ... just a snippet of what's happening now i guess. have fun pple.

come take me home

why in the world is this not working?!

come take me home