youth sunday video.

click if you want to see a very brief part where liting is dancing.

and DO NOT LAUGH. it is not funny.



WOKAY. STOP LAUGHING.

ilove this VID!! CHRIS ONG YOU BETTER TEACH ME EDITING SKILLS!!!!!

:)

all i need in this life of sin

the rest is still unwritten

before i begin. i freaking miss you. SIGH. did you miss me while you were looking for yourself out there?

ok now the post really begins. :)

i was in the car on the way home from dinner today when 'love in the first degree' came on the Radio on power 98. i love power 98. it rocks. anyway. i wasd listening to the lyrics and i was just totally struck by the quirky lyrics of the song, and the analogy that was used. sample this:

'only you can set me free,
coz i'm guilty,
guilty as a girl can be.
come on baby cant you see,
i stand accused
of love in the first degree.'

the point is, WHERE do people find such lyrics? how in the world do these song writers come up with stuff like that? it's just quirky and interesting. i'm not saying it's like, very nice or anything, i'm just in awe of the way the song analogy went.

i mean, i could never write something like that!

and so i begin. i begin to think of all the other interesting song lyrics i've heard, and i realise, that nowadays, people dont write songs like that anymore. i mean, no one writes:

'relight my fire
your love is my only desire'
-Take That, Relight My Fire

and stuff like:

'I was dying inside to hold you,
I couldnt belive what i felt for you.
Dying inside, i was dying inside,
But i couldnt bring myself to touch you.'

you know, funky shit like that. what we get now is just so weird. talk of:

'how could this happen to me,
i made my mistakes,
got nowhere to run,
Life goes on as i'm fading away.
i'm sick of this life,
i just want to scream.
How could this happen to me?'

(could someone please tell Simple Plan that it happened because they can't write decent lyrics?)

please dont get me started on the other simple plan songs. MY GOSH. how lame can they get.

ok the point is. lyrics arent the same anymore. they've become unintelligent, direct and so conventional that only an idiot wouldnt understand what you're singing. it's just, sad. that music's progression is going in that direction. i mean, come on, write something better than that! another one of those dumb lyrics, but i like the song anyway, is james blunt:

'you're beautiful
you're beautiful
you're beautiful, it's true.'

kinda like, if i dont know what else to sing, i'll just repeat 2 words. then i have a decent chorus, because 'you're beautiful' does not amount to a chorus. another one of those repeat lyric songs:

'well, do ya? do ya do ya wanna?
well do ya? do ya do ya wanna? wanna go?
where i've never let you before'

i like that song. :) but in anycase, you catch my drift? that poets are all dead, or stuck in the stuffy corner of book store. good lyrics come once in a while. and when they do, they make it really big :) and they last. :)

so i made a promise to myself anyway. i'm going to write. with good ideas in my head. and have lyrics that make so much sense that it's poetic, yet easy to understand.

i feel like i've given myself an impossible task.

anyway, i'm running out of opinions. gonna go do something else now.

how does it feel to know that you never have to be alone?

Fiona Apple - Across the Universe

one of my favourite beatles songs. :)

jai guru deh vum ... ohm ...



enjoy it! shall update again. soon :)

words are flowing our like endless rain

take me baby, or leave me.

you know, it occured to me how self centered and self focused (for the lack of a better word) a blog tends to become. at least i know mine is ALL about me. :P but you guys read it anyway so heh. i dont mind the attention.

i was just reading someone's random blog post about pork floss buns. while the post wasnt about him per se, it was all about his ideals, his beliefs, and his thoughts. so i guess there is no way to actually have a blog that's not for the glory of self.

anyway.

this post is for the glory of God, or at least, i want it to be.

T retreat. let's start with that.

i didnt think that much would happen. honestly. i kinda felt so numb and hardened that i didnt think He could move me, much. well. let's put some things into perspective. like i shared with some of them, (and now with the rest of the world) i didnt know what to expect. for one, i was confused with the whole idea of expecting anyway. like for example, if you expect something to happen, then it will, because God knows and He will not disappoint you. but then, if you dont expect anything, then well, God surprises you. so either way, SOMETHING is bound to happen. i just didnt think it would be much. well. i guess i was wrong. naturally. :)

God did move me. it's not like i'm taking some 180 degree turn on my life that is. i'm just, changing some things, and taking on the next stage. i'm moving on, and beginning to live life like i was a younger person. pastor juliet said i act like a 40 year old. (do i?? ARGH.) i think it's time to let go and live life abit more :)

it's funny also, how God gave one image to 2 people, and it applied to all 3 of us. naturally the image wasnt given to me. (i dont think i'm gifted in that way anyway, i think there are other things i am gifted in.) if God's ready, then i guess, the question is who are we to stop Him? if not because He loved us and allowed us to choose, do you really think we can stop Him from moving us?

i realised how foolish human beings are. those of us who submit to the fact that there's no God or no higher being. consider how it is possible that things turn out the way they do, why people survive plane crashes, tsunamis and earthquakes, while other's just, well, die. human spirit? human tenacity? well ok, then where does the spirit, the tenacity come from? our souls? well, ok, then where did we inherit this soul? from out parents? then where did our parents get theirs? to cut long story (and possibly endless debate) short, there is no other way you can sufficiently answer the question of where humans came from without submitting to the possibility of a higher being.

why do i believe in a God? because there is NO WAY, i can be what i am today, NO WAY my attitudes and beliefs are moulded this way, NO WAY that i am what i am, if there was no higher being, no subconcious to rely on and live my life this way. without God i think i'm perfectly capable of ruthless things (no, wait, i KNOW i am capable of these things) that because of this HIGHER being, i do not do. and i'm not just talking about the christian God. i think, i'm willing to bet, that any of you out there who are religious, fervently or even vaguely, would agree with me that the higher being you believe in does prick your conscience and influence your actions.

the point is there is NO WAY the world can still be held together without some kinda higher force. we may be the most advanced in terms of evolution, but there is something bigger and higher. if we are the most advanced beings, then explain why we are still subject to the horrors of nature, whether man made or natural?

i know my ideas here may sound a little strange and flimsy, BUT, i'm standing by my beliefs in a God, because i just can't see any other way. and i am willing to believe there just IS NO OTHER WAY.

anyway. i miss 2/5 like HELL. i want to go back and visit. :P how are you guys man?! havent seen/heard/spoken to you guys in AGES. invite me to class party again!!! :P heh.

it seems that my thoughts have gone a little haywire and blurry after that thinking outloud you just read above. hmm. well. anyway, have you all seen the mac and PC ads? they're funny :) go to: www.youtube.com and search for 'Apple and PC' or 'Mac and PC commercials'. effing hilarious :)

ok i gotta go, like work. though i dont know do what also. heh :P

mad cow: i AM NOT AN USHER. i would like to be/meet/marry the singer USHER, but i'm NOT ONE.
Lailin: hello. err. hello :P i dont know what else to say. enjoy geography? ... hmmm
ariane: did you survive PE? :P
Sharon: oui. stop playing with the smileys. :P
Stinky: good luck. with love. :P heh. you'll figure it out. i know you will.
rau: EH MOTHER! Pergi (i cant spell for shit.) manah? you disappeared lah dek! COME BACK!!
alP: haha. too many people hinting to me they'll be back soon. head is spinning.
Spatchcock: i want to meet you. soon. :( miss you lah!!!

k, work is done.

if you can believe in something bigger than yourself.

what a rip off!

TEN FIRSTS:
First Best Friend: PJ. :) and still going strong.
First Nickname: toot. i think. hmmm ...
First Pet: i know it was a pair of ducklings. just cant remember what they were called.
First Piercing: on my ear lobes. current count: 6
First Crush: hmmm. Kian from westlife i think. cant think of anyone else before that.
First CD: take that. i think.
First Car: IS GOING TO BE a white nissan sunny.
First Alcoholic Drink: hooch.
First Kiss: my mummy and daddy :)
First Stuffed Animal: this teddy i got when i was a kid. it's still sitting on my shelf.

NINE LASTS:
Last Alchoholic Beverage: E33 cider with jeane at my place on sunday.
Last Car Ride: this morning to the MRT.
Last Movie Seen: You got served.
Last Phone Call: Jeane. last night. what phone calls i make for work dont count. :P
Last Song Played: Cabaret from the Cabaret sound track
Last Meal: 2 cookies for breakfast. Lunch SOON!
Last Time In Love: hmm. not that long ago.
Last Time You Cried: yesterday. dont ask.

EIGHT "HAVE YOU EVERS":
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: technically? i think so.
Have you ever skinny dipped: no. think michellin doll.
Have you ever been on TV: think so.
Have you ever been drunk: Yes. and haha, i dont remember.
Have you ever kissed someone, and then regretted it: hell yeah.
Have you ever been stoned: when extremely bored lah.

SEVEN THINGS YOU ARE WEARING:
1) my pink polo
2) giodarno sweater
3) khaki cargoes
4) bling
5) Silver cross with the ring around my neck
6) my nice nice brown and white shoes.
7) CLEAN white socks

SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY:
1) played the role of editor
2) do this thing.
3) Shitted :P
4) it's
5) still
6) early

FIVE PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL ANYTHING TO:
1) Stinky
2) Jeane
3) Yihui
4) God, i suppose, since i cant hide anything from him ANYWAY.
5) PJ. pretty much. i think :)

FOUR FAVORITE THINGS IN NO ORDER:
1) MUSIC! Playing the guitar
2) God
3) writing
4) beautiful people.

THREE CHOICES:
1) Black or white: black. i'm a yellow m&m :P
2) Hot or Cold: cold. i like cold weather. :)
3) Chocolate or Vanilla: both. i cant make that choice. :P

TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1) Fall in love for REAL. i think i'll only know when that happens, when it happens.
2) become a rock star. really :)

ONE THING YOU REGRET: i think i try to live life without regrets.

maybe six feet aint so far down.

worry is wasteful and useless in times like these.

so the week wasnt what i expected it to be. Parentals are home, and the bustle of activity in my house has returned. much as there was alot of freedom and no parents calling all the time, it was getting kinda lonely, so i'm glad they're back. and whatever doesnt kill you only makes you stronger. so. i guess it'll turn out to be a better week than the last.

so i made a big mistake at work, which made my credibility fall from the height of the empire state building to the core of the earth. i'm learning that mistakes can be fatal, and that it can possibly kill. if only i could explain that it was an honest mistake, made because of stress and fatigue. made because i couldnt concentrate, that my personal life was interfering. but i'm still there, that responsible person, capable and ready to take on anything you want to throw at me.

i was just reflecting how it's ironic that i can never not fuck something up. that i could get off to a good start, only to screw up at the end. i dont understand why that happens. is it in my character to build something up and then with one swift motion, tear it all down? am i that useless? all i know is i do feel like that. all this while i really wasnt proving anything to my boss. i wasnt proving anything to anyone. BUT the reason why i'm upset and distressed is because i do feel i've let myself down. that i've FUCKED UP once again, and i DIDNT mean for it to happen. who would have thought i would commit career suicide because i forgot to send in finished work? i was on top of it all. and my credibility lies in question now because i forgot to press the send button. i'm frustrated with myself. and the way i acted after. just plain stupid.

the question remains hence: what's happened to that responsible liting?

for once in recent times, i'm questioning the change happening to me. have i become something i dont want to be? or have i always manage to screw up something wonderful?

let's not even get to the fact that i know how to fuck up a beautiful friendship: by falling in love. my mood now is more of submissive and tired. i dont want to be angry and angsty anymore. my anger is never long enough, like mother courage says.

here's to a meaningless existence.

how do i make you see i'm not half the (wo)man i used to be?

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can. War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace. You are a good mediator and a true negotiator. Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy. While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental. You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take. On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit. You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice. Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

10 things i have done and will do this week.

1. laundry. *return of the domestic goddess
2. wrote a poem.
3. grocery shopping. *which, i think, is quite fun. at least i control what i want to eat
4. watched RENT for the 3rd time. *La VIE BOHEME!!!
5. had an encounter with some weird telephone stalker. *QUIVER
6. wrote part of a rap.
7. go See DJ KoFlow and KoLab at the esplanade outdoor theatre *bubbles with excitement
8. sleepovers. :D
9. ate microwave popcorn. *i was very amused by the bag that grew in my microwave
10. Lighting for a charity event. *it's for a good cause. :D

haha. what an eventful week it shall be. looking forward to dinner with stinky. :) yay!

wokay, back to work i go. like i have anything to do now. GRR.

a lullaby, a kiss good night, an angel sweet love of my life

trusting desire, starting to learn. walking through fire without a burn.

it's weird having an unsurpassed amount of freedom, but not having anyone to spend it with. GRR. well, ok maybe i do have some chance of a party, but then again i might be lazy. so. i am not optimistic.

SIGH.

quiet monday at work. i acutally slept the whole journey here. like, i woke up exactly at tanjong pagar mrt. wow. body clock quite accurate dont you think? :) i'm dead beat lah. wished i could sleep earlier so that i can have more sleep.

but i can't. i am a night animal and i just work so much better at night lah. creative juices flow better at night too.

i'm a dreamer. but i need to stop dreaming and START doing something. get off my big ass and do the hustle. need to free up stuff lah. so that being busy wont distract me from my dreams.

wokay. i'm running out of things to blog about. starting to believe blogging can get a little mundane when you have nothing to blog about.

signing off.

could it be i'm suffering because i'll never give in?

bare with me for awhile.

last night, with the lack of anything to do, i pulled out my 'treasure chest' of old letters and memorabilia and went into nostalgia. it's raining cats and dogs, and so, i'm feeling even more emo and moody. haha. the rain lah. it gets to me.

anyway. there is a point in all this. and i must do this, i MUST get it out because i've never felt so wronged in my life, so cheated and so led on. and the person i'm refering to, some of you know, and i know that person reads this. SO. since we cant talk face to face, over the phone or even through SMS, (and since it wont make a diff to me because you wont say a thing anyway), this is a good place to let it all out.

i pulled out the old letters and stuff we wrote to each other and all the old pictures and photos. i'm a sentimental fool i admit, but it's not without reason. it makes me feel like at least my life has been a fulfilled, whole one. but last night i had the sudden impluse to take them all out, and ONCE AND FOR ALL, BURN those letters and move on with my life. i've spent the last 3 years paralysed by a hope that it'll all work out and we can get back together again. at least this year, i didnt think much of it anymore and was just about ready to let go. and then you go pop me a question: 'keep this indirect language up and i'll start thinking you have feelings for me. do you?' my immediate and most long standing reaction of course, is WHAT THE FUCK? you caught me off guard, just as you've always done. anyway. my response to that now is 'keep asking me these kinda questions and i'll start thinking you still have feelings for me too.'

you said you've changed. i thought you have. but at the end of last night, reading through some of our letters, i realised that no, you haven't. because it's always been about YOU. it's always how YOU're not comfortable, always how YOU're sorry, how YOU cant do this, cant do that, how YOU cant control yourself. always about YOUR family, about YOUR problems. and now, it's about YOU again, and protecting YOURSELF from me, popping these kinda questions that are CLEARLY meant to provoke something. the person who's changed is ME.

the thing i cant believe is that i lived through the last 3 years, guilt ridden, thinking that i was a stumbling block, a black mark in your life, thinking that it was all my fault that i had to come into your life and we had to get so physical. i STILL feel guilty. but now, i'm starting to belive that that is not the case. that the one at fault is not solely me. yes, i am guilty of falling in love with you, getting physical, initiating things, being a butch and not striaght and turning you lesbian so that you would go out with me. and for a long time i always thought it was my actions that caused us pain. and you let me believe it, because you were so self righteous and couldnt handle the fact that you were indulging in something that didnt feel right for me. YOU led me and led yourself on. and let me think that it was my fault.

at least now i look before i leap, i'm more careful, and i consider the consequences of getting together with someone before doing so. at least now, i CONTROL myself, even if i still do some stupid things. but at least now i know that i CAN learn to love someone without wanting to sleep with that person; that when i'm attracted to someone, it doesnt mean i'm lesbian. i just want to spend time with that person, and that doesnt entail anything more physical than a hug. at least now, i know i've changed. i AM stronger, more confident, no longer who i used to be.

YOU, i dont know about YOU. i dont wanna pass judgements. but the truth remains. it's always been about YOU, and will always be about YOU. and the most bastard thing you did is not that you led me on while we were together, but that you led me to believe it was my fault and let me feel so guilty and unsure of myself. THANKS alot. because figuring all this out makes me stronger.

and i just want you to know, that if you've already burnt all the letters and moved on, i'm telling you now that i'm doing the same, and let's not even talk about being friends again. we're in that worse case scenerio. we'll never even have a chance to be friends. i cant stand the fact that you cheated me and it was all a bluff. you were never in love with me. i was merely there to fulfill your lust.

and i dont care if i'm coming off too direct and strong. you dont like 'indirect' language, so i'm telling you to your face: fuck off.

now. back to normalcy shall we?

looking forward to seeing you 2/5 people! :) and VJ people tonight. and spending some time with jeane drinking (would you still even with your condition?) copious amounts of alcohol. :)

the parentals are away. HERE'S TO THE CRAZY PARTYING! :D

ok ok ... time to get back to work. :)

the boy with his arms wide, who made her feel like an angel

Trouble sleeping

Could it be i'm suffering
Because i'll never give in
Won't say that i'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say i'm falling in love

just thought this song is damn nice. will update soon! :P

tell me your favourite song

Those Magic Changes - Sha Na Na

What's that playing on the radio?
Why do I start swaying to and fro?
I have never heard that song before
But if I don't hear it anymore

It's still familiar to me
Sends a thrill right through me
Cause those chords remind me of the night that I first fell in love to
Those magic changes
My heart arranges
A melody that's never the same
A melody that's calling your name
And begs you please come back to me
Please return to me don't go away again
Oh, make them play again
The music I wanna hear as once again you whisper in my ear
Ooh my darlin'

I'll be waiting by the radio
You'll come back to me some day I know
Been so lonesome since our last goodbye
But I'm singing as I cry-iy-iy

While the bass is sounding while the drums are pounding
Beatings of my broken heart will rise to first place in the
charts
Oh my heart arranges
Oh those magic changes

Whoa-whoa-ah-oh
Whoa-whoa-ah-oh yeah
Oooooo

LOVES GREASE to bits.

anyway.

blog's been dead a few days. so am updating.

The CAT EMPIRE is FANTASTIC. went to 2 of their gigs over the weekend and partied like mad. first night with my homies from VJ, and then sunday night, because they were so cool, went back again with jeane. :) funky shit. and it's nights like this i know why jeane's my home girl. and i'm just super grateful that our paths crossed and we're friends. haha. :)

anyway, a little snippet of THE CAT EMPIRE:

'Our Weapons are our instruments
Made from timber and steel.
we never yielded to conformity but stood like kings
in a chariot that's riding on a record wheel.'

THEY ROCK man! wants their CD so bad it hurts. hahaha.

anyway. jeane and i were super inspired. we had to leave the gig earlier coz we were both hungry, and we didnt walk away ok, we DANCED away. and i really dont care if i look like some weird fat ass dancing. I DONT CARE. i like to shake my fat booty, so like, take your unhappiness somewhere else. HA! *does diva hand movement. :P

but ok. why were we inspired? during the performance, jeane leans over to me and says: 'dude. someday it's gonna be you and me on that stage man!'

*smiles contentedly.

i just dont wanna become an accountant and then realise how much i miss music and being creative. so it's a dream. and i wanna dream big. :) and maybe, one day, jeane and i (because it's really a dream for me now to share the stage with her) will rock the house down to an arena full of people.

i have dreams of becoming a rock star. and i'm not going to stop myself. coz i believe i'm the only person who can.

we all just wanna be big rock stars.

Maybe This Time - From CABARET

Maybe this time, i'll be lucky
Maybe this time, he'll stay
Maybe this time,
For the first time,
Love wont hurry away.

He will hold me fast
i'll be home a last
Not a Loser anymore
like the last time
and the time before

Everybody loves a winner
so nobody loved me
'Lady Peaceful', 'Lady Happy',
That's what i long to be
All the odds are in my favour
something's bound to begin
It's got to happen, happen sometime
Maybe this time i'll win.

GREASE rocked. nothing to do with this, yes, but haha.

i like this song. it's so... bittersweet.

it wouldnt please me more

You Are Dublin Mudslide Ice Cream

You won't remember any of this in the morning

What Flavor Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream Are You?

yes. i have only just discovered blogthings. slow i know. go ahead, LAUGH :P

You Are a Jelly Donut

So you're a little rounder than most folks - but it's only in the right places! You maintain a clean exterior, even if you're all messy on the inside. You think you're the best, and that's mostly true... But remember, you're just an empty shell without your jelly!

What Donut Are You?

You Are 24 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Theme Song is Back in Black by AC/DC

"Back in black, I hit the sack, I've been too long, I'm glad to be back" Things sometimes get really crazy for you, and sometimes you have to get away from all the chaos. But each time you stage your comeback, it's even better than the last!

What's Your Theme Song?