i cant believe i willingly fight battles that i know i will lose.

will you stay awake for me

i refuse to sleep.

dear love

you have done irreversible harm to me, but i think i like it.
i think i have already made my decision.
and when i say i love you, i really do. i cant deny that. :)
i miss you already.

Awake - Secondhand Serenade

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised.

And you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over,
that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake. I'm biting my tongue,
But I'm feeling alive and with every breathe that I take,
I feel like I've won. You're my key to survival.

And if it's a hero you want,
I can save you. Just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breath, it is dear. So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name. I just want to hear you.
Say my name. So I know it's true.
You're changing me. You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say. So just say.

That you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

i just don't wanna miss anything

the road is long

it's been a long time since i've felt this way: and the anticipation kills me as each moment passes. perhaps i am worried that i will forget this attraction, this feeling that makes me all bubbly and strange inside, a euphoric sense of overwhelming emotion, and this is only the anticipation.

i have my fears and doubts though. i think ever so often you let yourself slip away from reality and into the idea that it could happen, only to see yourself fall down hard when you realise it aint gonna happen. but i overstep myself. the world in which we inhabit is limitless, and in this i find that fascinating feeling of finding yourself in relation to someone new, the forming of a new, previously unknown identity. i like that. i like that there's a morphability (is that even a word) in that world; in that moment i feel powerful and the confidence i hardly find comes knocking on my door.

i am wax lyrical-ing about something that isn't even in existence yet. you dont need to say it. i know i'm shameless.

but one cannot help but hope that it could happen. cannot help but wait because it's the damned exams and anything you want to happen must wait 3 weeks.

i fear the wait will kill me.

dreaming of things so impossible

do you like coffee in the evening.



So she says,
"Everyone's going to the party
Won't you come if I come
with a friend for your friend?
I'd be so pleased to see you
Out of the classroom,
Wearing the smile that I'll bring you.
I was hoping to learn a few things, like........
Do you do you like dishing the dirt
On the whole class,
Talking the big smack,
Or playing the fool?
Wearing all of the latest fashions
Or bucking the new trends?
Wearing your old threads
Or if you like coffee in the evening.
These are a few things,
That I'd like to know;
That I'd like to know."

So I say,
"I've been scheduled to work,
But I'll call in.
And, my friend isn't busy,
He'd be happy to join me.
And maybe my friend and your friend
Will hit it off?
Or, maybe we will?
I'm dying to know........
Do you, do you like dreaming
Of things so impossible?
Or only the practical,
Or ever the wild?
Waiting through all of your
Bad, bad days;
Just to end them
With someone you care about?
But do you like making out,
And long drives and brown eyes
And guys that just don't quite fit in?
"Do you like them?"

"So, yes,
I'll see you there."

something beautiful will come your way.

i am excited by the prospect of something beautiful blossoming, but much remains to be seen. in her own words: we have much ground to cover. i hope. and i hope this isnt a once off thing.

warhol was a real rip off, not withstanding i didnt spend a single cent. so much hype over nothing. in the words of daniel: it's pop art: it's always about the hype. and it's not that i didnt get it. it was just that it was really only half (or less) of what i expected it to be. pfft. and here i was thinking warhol was some cool shit. maybe i dont understand lah. that's why.

anyway. like i said, today was a day that will stay with me for long, and i had a thoroughly enjoyable time. photos are on facebook, so i wont bother to put them up here. :)

I am in love with you, i'm almost certain. :)

alrighty i gots to go. essay is done. must. hand. in. without. regret.

:)

will you stay awake for me?

brown, blue, violet in the sky

last night i was out for drinks and cigarettes and the moping session went into full swing. we talked about everything we could think off, and let the conversations run like water and i really didnt realise how much i thought i trusted these people. i showed them what i was, am and potentially could become, while allowing myself to indulge in several fantasies that are strangely like hidden fact with them.

i feel better i think.

anyway. as i always do: moving on with life ...

auditioning for the west wing brought about surprising results for me, but for fear of confidentiality i shall not publicly divulge what happened. all i know is i'm confident of something major, and for that matter i better take modules next semester that are known to be easy. like, a 1101, or another level 1000 mod. maybe a science gem or breadth or whatever. i better start thinking about how to plan my mods and all that jazz. grr. hate university life.

but i love the people, and i also really love and miss all ma JC peoples! Hot DAMN i hope to see ya'll soon! 20th dec party huh? :) ALRIGHTY

exams, so might either be blogging more or taking a break. be back soon, :)

i'm getting stronger

i am not confused, though i wished i could be.

sigh,

and you know the day's not quite right when you butcher a beatles song.

oh gosh.

time's a wasted go

Everyone you know is gonna shine

I havent had much time to think about a lot of things, in between worrying what to put into my theatre essays (WHICH ARE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE AND I'M PRETTY DAMN WORRIED) and praxis and playing with my rubik's cube, which takes up SO MUCH time (heh.). thank goodness for extensions and foreign students. :)

anyway. i was reading people's blogs and it made me realise that when you go on a voyage to find everyone's blogs and bookmark them, they must really mean something. this is not your average "oh-look-'s-blog-lets-bookmark-it" situation. This is when you really make a conscious effort to keep track of people's lives, whether or not you keep track of your own. i think there is inherent beauty there, something that transcends many things: boundaries mostly.

anyway.

i have cut my hair. and it is now ridiculously short, even though i used to have shorter hair. i am suddenly reminded of my lost bet to crystal and dawn to not cut my hair for 6 months. That resulted in a fish and co treat which i still remember, one which i think i wanted more than winning the bet. if i had bet with dawn and crystal now, i would have won. well. maybe not. 6 months is ridiculously long: and after that, your hair will be too.

so i currently resemble a hay stack (Sigh.) but a cute one, i hope. heh. my mother likes it. but the last time i thought my mum had good taste i ended up buying a floral print wraparound skirt, which on hindsight is a clear monstrocity. mother doesn't always know best.

i have fallen in love with someone, and it's exciting. chance encounters, random conversations and all that. only thing is i have stopped hoping for something to happen. there is no point. and there's something very comforting about this space we're in: knowing each other well enough to stop for conversation, but not well enough to share secrets and other things. this liminal space has it's charm and it's beauty seems alluring. i think this is the best part of relationships: after this the excitement is moved to something else.

i'm learning to make do with the randomness. It's an escape for me.

to be only yours i pray

chortle chortle

Q.What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible?

A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord.

a network of pricks

praxis. praxis. praxis. practice.

so where you going to tomorrow

baby lets go

i have no idea what sociology says, and i have a tendency to be overly sentimental. These a disclaimers for the coming statement i am about to make.

i think i have found family in my praxis group.

i feel like we're all crazy brothers and sisters at play and i'm really lovin' it. not in the cheapo macdonald tag line way, but i'm really lovin' it. Uni might turn out to be not so bad after all.

And even though it bugs me that i'm still single, i'm ok wit it. because i know my friends will be around, and it will mean that for a moment all is ok in the world.

and that is comforting because much of this world is what you consider as screwed upside down on it's head with a flat screwdriver in a philips head.

and that is comforting because everyone needs family, and i think no matter how independent you try to be, you pull through because people are around you.

damn i miss VJ. THAT was a FAMILY too, except perhaps they all seem all too distant now.

it took me bloody 3 sems to find a replacement. dog-gone-it.

let's make the headlines

when the dogs begin to smell her



And I feel that time’s a wasted go
So where ya going to tomorrow?
And I see that these are lies to come
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And I feel it

Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

And I feel, so much depends on the weather
So is it raining in your bedroom?
And I see, that these are the eyes of disarray
Would you even care?

And I feel it
And she feels it

Where ya going to tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it

Where ya going for tomorrow?
Where ya going with that mask I found?
And I feel, and I feel
When the dogs begin to smell her
Will she smell alone?

When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
When the dogs do find her
Got time, time, to wait for tomorrow
To find it, to find it, to find it
To find it
To find it
To find it

had my heart on lockdown

or at least i thought i did. then you came along and made me open it up and turn it around for you, which i find extremely irritating.

anyway, that is inconsequential. i want to rant and rave.

i believe i am a relatively decent person, i care, i'm generous, i put others before myself, i'm sensitive to other people's feelings, i'm relatively funny, i always try my very best and i am not lacking intelligence.

so my dear friends, please explain to me again why i'm still bloody single????

dont get me wrong. i'm not desperate for a mate. but. why can't i find someone who i'm right for, and who is right for me????

dont worry. i'm just being a little wonky from 4 hours of sleep and somehow wishing and hoping i will find someone somewhere.

if not i'll just sit and wait til i cross paths with whoever you are. come to me. i miss you terribly. :(

the hardest part is knowing that i can only
hope to no end in sight and i must
refrain from holding you when
i want to even if it's just for no reason
in particular but the need to be
close to someone somewhere when this world
gets me down,
i don't know where to go by myself
and i sit pondering that perhaps
perhaps, i will find that you are
the angel i was made to believe was
You.

everyone else has had more sex than me

dont come round here.

i'm sorry. but i give up.

Heaven bent to take my hand
And lead me through the fire
Be the long awaited answer
To a long and painful fight

Truth be told I've tried my best
But somewhere along the way
I got caught up in all there was to offer
And the cost was so much more than I could bear

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

We all begin with good intent
Love was raw and young
We believed that we could change ourselves
The past could be undone
But we carry on our backs the burden
Time always reveals
The lonely light of morning
The wound that would not heal
It's the bitter taste of losing everything
That I have held so dear.

I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

Heaven bent to take my hand
Nowhere left to turn
I'm lost to those I thought were friends
To everyone I know
Oh they turned their heads embarassed
Pretend that they don't see
But it's one missed step
You'll slip before you know it
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed

Though I've tried, I've fallen...
I have sunk so low
I have messed up
Better I should know
So don't come round here
And tell me I told you so...

heaven bent, to take my hand