Queen of Chocolate land

i just got back from the chalet. IT WAS GREAT. i loved it. especially walking out to Changi Village at 4 am in the morning to get booze and bumping into 'it'. see, we did go bapok hunting after all. :P but they were all damn chio lah!!! oh my gosh ... like more chio then a normal girl ... ok you cannot compare liddat. :P but it was SUPER funny lah. and they smell so nice. 'to hide their manliness.' as conan put it. haha :) indeed.

anyway: KUDOS to:

dawnconanvivienneyinrencarolyuhuiangeladesireexijieshaunsarah for staying over ... and also coming and like eating the food which i know my mother severely overpacked. haha. :P

jonchofarah: for being the only 2 pple who met me at eleven. i feel bad abt wasting your time. haha ... but i hope you did enjoy yourselves somewhere. the boardwalk and swimming lizards and grumpy security guards. haha :P thanx pple.

crystalkhairulmichLcorrierashezyihuiaudreypaoyinchristinealvinweijunpaulcalvinjesher
pjfifahuiyunanbinhianchuan: for coming and eating away and giving me really fun company. and willing to make that effort to come to this God-forsaken place in changi even though it was far out for you. :) thnx!

to everyone: thanx for your presents! but thnx also for the greatest gift i cld have recieved from you all: your time and your presence. i loved it. and i hope you enjoyed yourself too. :)

so ... here are some snapshots of the day ... :)

1. 11am, tampines: only farah and cho. everyone else will be late. a slight sense of disappointment. but i tell myself i'm going to make this day work. and it did. :)
2. Boardwalk: swimming lizards, ghostly photos. haha .. .the WORKS.
3. Stupid SIA sportsclub security guad telling us where the exit was without us asking. *you think you so big want to fight is it??* :P
4. Changi village nasi lemak: SEDAP! :)
5. now the pple start coming! :) LPs appear, followed by my sec school friends, then rashez then corrie then pple start streaming in ... haha :) now this looks like a real party. :)
6. Going out to the beach ... ok .. .the 'beach' ... it was quite a bad beach lah ... but sittig there altogether in a row was real fun :)
7. Dinner begins. we all self serve and finish up the hotdogs in abt under 30 mins. :P i had one BITE of sausage. all you sausage thiefs! :P
8. it starts to drizzle. then rains ... grr ... umbrellas to cover the fire to make sure it doesnt get wet. the whole place becomes smokey and i almost cldt see khairul who was stading directly opposite me. haha :P
9. our little fairy circle: cho and conan on guitar, 'yinren is gay!' haha :P the confusig number game and then the dispersal to watch bridget jones. haha :P
10. Sitting together past midnight at the bbq pit, talking abt the deeper things in life. haha :P
11. along came polly. it's just ... fun. *and i'm being kind here.*
12. Plays bridge and conan is on a winning streak. pple want to watch forrest gump so we decide to go get booze from cheers. i didnt know carol drank. haha :P
13. then they appeared. the BAPOKS. oh my gosh they were so super chio. but they didnt hit on conan despite his effort to be 'noticed.' :P
14. booze, then love acutally deleted scenes. :) nice.
15. all fall asleep around 6am or so ... 'cept for angela who's been asleep forever. :P

haha ... yeah ... :) ok i am super tired now. i need sleep. :P love you guys to bits for coming. :) take care and God BLess! :D

my wishes were granted by candles dying

2 more hours of my life as a 16 year old.

i'm sitting here trying to figure out why the hell i'm not excited that i'm turning 17. on the contrary i'm actually not looking forward to turning 17. it means i'm one year older. it implies i'm one year wiser, and makes me want to shout: i dont wanna grow up!!! GRR. i am so not looking forward to anything at all. for a strange reason, after all the excitement, hopes, they are all taken over by fear; of loneliness, rejection and growing old. you all know me; i'm the insecure type looking for attention. i just want to turn 17 peacefully. but it's so difficult looking at everything's that's happened. grr ... you know what. i'm gonna drop it. just let it blow over. BAH!!!

anyway, before i drop anything, i guess the source of this frustration is: there's a really thick wall that is separating US right now and it's thicker than before. i cant seem to communicate anymore with you. BAH. if there's a time to regret doing things, it is now. the problem isnt me. i try to keep things 'normal' so to speak. but i guess now i fear whether i am a disturbance or source of discomfort to you. BAH. i'll leave it alone. before i become too depressive.

what's the point in blogging that? you dont read anymore anyway.

corrie's right: at some point of time i have to stop thinking. BAH. and i will. when i am through with myself. that's where i will stop thinking.

i guess i'm learning something now. you cant force things. it takes 2 hands to clap. i cant do this alone. BAH. why the hell does it always rain on me.

this birthday must be a happy one. BUT HOW TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU"RE SPENDING HALF THE BLARDY DAY DOING PW?!?!?!?!?!?!? and you know the ones who you love alot arent gonna be at the party. and then you hope you wont feel left out at your own party. ok no i wont. i'll make it work for myself. BAH!!!! i feel so drained!!!!! GRRRRRRR

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to.

BTW: Vane, thanx for the cake. it helped make me feel slightly better. ok alot more better. but i am still feeling manic depressive. bah. thanx anyway *tries to smile* *hug*

just shoot me

My Song - By me.

The hours pass slowly.
Every minute i count
ticks slowly by as we sit

here, together.
Yet we are so far away
we cannot find our

voices, to speak.
Even the slightest whisper
is too difficult yo

make. Have we lost it?
What little we used to share.
Now it all seems to

fade. i fear you will hate me.
For my secrets to be revealed
i opened up my weathered

heart. only to find rejection.
It greeted me with a smile
which i found it all meant

fake. the wall between us grows
Thicker by the minute
i am

afraid. to lose you.

i wrote this in lit lect. am super tired.

this was dedicated to you and you. you 2 know who lah!

confused and utterly lost.

bear with me ... this is going to be a wee bit depressive.

look. i dunno. i'm super duper lost at what to do. it's been almost a year. you cant just come back now and tell me you want to rebuild the friendship. i tried once in june this year. you belw the chance there and then. but you're lucky. you've got perfect timing. because the wounds were beginning to heal and now they are open again. and because they are open i know i'm open to accepting the reconstruction of our demolished ship. but i am still very confused. it's not that i mind you being at my party; it's not that i dont want to see you. but i am confused. i cant make up my freaking mind because i am afraid of the implications. on one hand i want to overlook the pride and try to love again. on the other hand i dont want to love again. too many things have happened in this time that i fear what the repurcussions may be. i only ask that you consider what your intentions are while i consider mine. if they are pure, like is hld think mine may not be, then by all means we both are really ready. but too much memories are attached to everything. the old times are gone. are we both ready to accept new times?

it's up to you to come to the party or not. if you get snubbed dont blame me. i am leaving it open for you to decide what you think is best for the both of us. but i want my CD back. really desperately. i am open to anything but a relationship. we were always in love. are we really expecting a friendship to really work here? i dunno what to expect. i dunno how we'll view each other.

i apologize if i sound harsh. but i cant help it. leave it be. i guess sometimes pple change. up to you to come or not. you decide.

with love.

stop putting words in my head

Find my baby, Find my baby now!

i went to mediacorp today to do something i never thought i'd ever do. i went to mediacorp today and auditioned for a role in 'incredible tales' with my TSD peeps. it was shit funny lah. the script was utterly ... primary school ... but then again what can you expect from TV? hehe. :P it was fun. i think i did it just for the experience. but now that they have my tape, maybe one day they'll call me :D

i guess it's things like these you do when you're young or never get to do at all. can you imagine when i'm 50 and i want to try this out? we were all either nurses or ghosts, depending on what the person wanted. i was a nurse. yes. imagine me in a white frock prancing around in the hospital, going to give you an injection. :P *nightmare* haha. :P

well anyway ... today was MUNDANE. i had chinese for a really long time lah .. .and the S6 pple in our class were super irritating. they were really really REALLY noisy. it was super full of shit. and so i ddint absorb much at all. i think i will do more studying myself lah. it's quite useless to be in that class now. it's not lao shi. it is the other pple. for once a52 was quieter than another class. ha. :P

well anyway. today was ... strange. we didnt say a single word to each other. i felt almost as if she hated me. but it is my own self acting up again. i have no NO NO basis to feel that way. we just need time. PATIENCE liting, PATIENCE. yes. i guess i do think too much. BAH! must put this out of my head now.

you know what. 3 days til i am no longer sweet. :P when i turn 17, i'll have only one year of illegal drinking left to do, one year of watching m18 movies illegally, and one year left to enter a club illegally. none of this, 'cept the drinking, i do. ha! i am squeaky clean!!! :P believe me!! *pleadingly* hehe ...

ok i guess imma gonna go now. shoud i leave you with lyrics? hmmm .... no! not tonight. :)

looking forward to friday, sat and sun. 17 years. wonderful :)

you said you could fix anything.

been a rough night.

i cldnt sleep last night. it's almost as if i think you read my blog but i dunno if you really do so i dunno if i want to blog abt this. ok but no more inhibitions aye? so i shall write.

confessions are a difficult thing. actually it was easy. but as i always do, sometimes i complicate things. i dunno what you think of it. but honestly i really really want to know. i've repeated this many times. i think i just need patience. ah wells :)

there's this song which has been stuck in my head since i heard leandra sing it on SI last night. i will post the lyrics after this post.

honestly i guess my fears are irrational. i wld think of you as someone who wldnt do all that i expected you might, coz i dont know you well enough. but i will trust whatever you say. i guess i have to dont i? if not the situation becomes awkward, and it'll be difficult to communicate even more. but i do love you. in a way that i think is rather unique. i guess i must come to terms with this. in a sense, love is too easily a word used. and all these types of love. it makes it so ... tangible, so emotionless. like you can classify feelings. i dont think so. i cant find a good way to classify love. it's so universal. i often believe i am mistaking another feeling for love. maybe love is just too strong a word to use.

i'm just happy that you told me nothing's gonna change. it didnt matter to me how i felt about you, all i thought i saw was a friendship brewing between us which i hope will last for some time. i will remember you, as much as i hope you will remember me. [hey this goes out to all of you too k! i know i will remember all of you for a long time. :)] and besides, now i know what i'm doing. and i assure you this matter will be laid to rest. it ends here. i wont pursue it.

to be honest with you, last night is stilla big blur. i have no clear idea how everything unfolded. but to me so far you have responded positively. for that i am happy and grateful :).

k here's the song. this is dedicated to rau, ana, vane and all of us who are hopelessly in love with someone. love hurts guys, but there'll always be a better day. :)

this is dedicated to you too. no i dont fantasize/dream abt you, but i just think this song's really sweet. :) enjoy it everyone. :)

Dreaming of you - Selena

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up late and think of you
And I wish on a star
That somewhere you are thinking of me too

'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me and
I wonder if you Know I'm there (Am I there)
If you looked in my eyes would you see what's inside
Would you even care

I just wanna hold you close but so far
All I have are dreams of you
So I wait for the day and the courage to say
How much I love you

I'll be dreaming of you tonight
'Til tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

I can't stop dreaming of you
I can't stop dreaming
I can't stop dreaming of you

Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I still can't believe that
You came up to me and said I love you
I love you too

I'll be dreaming with you tonight
'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world l'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming with you endlessly

this isnt the most apt song to describe how i feel, but i just wanted to share it's beauty with you all. :) there are more apt ones, but the one line that is really apt now is from that don henley song i posted a long time ago:

'there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you cant trust.
there's a reason why pple dont stay where they are,
baby, sometimes love just aint enough.'

ok ... that;'s not the most appropriate either. but then again there really isnt a really apt song lah. if i think of one i will post :)

anyway, thank YOU. for not rejecting me as a person. :)

traded it all for one thing.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT II

ok. here it is. it is finally here. the moment you've all been waiting for. here are those wonderful details for the EVENT OF THE YEAR!!!!

i'll be putting up a map soon, if i can. to make it easier. but anyways:

Where?? Aloha Changi Resorts, NETHERAVON BUNGALOW D, Netheravon Road. around changi village there. nearby lah :P
How to get there?? By Bus: Get your ass to Tampines Interchange and take no. 29. lucky for us, the bus stop is right outside the bungalow. maybe if you all coming together with other pple, can arrange to meet at Tampines.
When?? Same lah! 30th Oct 2004, time: 5pm til late. stay over please!!! :) [ note: TSD' 04!!! come earlier and we can have more fun!!!] Pls confirm with me your attendence. must RSVP!!! :)

Dinner is tentatively a BBQ, so get ready to come and cook for yourself. :P alternatively, if i'm too lazy, will get a caterer. :) i am ensuring all the food is halal, so it wont be a problem for all of you1 :)

What to bring: well ... yourself for one. :) and there's no NEED for a PRESENT. its' ok one :P
[TSD'04 : erm ... the beach is quite near though not directly in front. so do bring all the beach stuffs yeah?? :) and there's a sailing center nearby ... so i do think we can go canoeing!!! and pls do stay over!!! it;s going to be so fun!!! :) ]

ok so set?? hehe ... good good ... i dont think i missed out anything right?? :) yup yup! :) so that's it then. yeah. haha ... RSVP Me!!! you know my numbers :)

it's my party! :)

haha ... chio bu sia!!! so chio!!! *faints bwhahahahahahaha. see now rau, when pple come to my blog, they will want to get your number! :P 

i dont ever wanna feel like i did that day

ok i meant to write what i feel abt the whole issue that was brought up on ana's blog and all the replies and all ... but i will not. i dont know why i'm so worked up by it lah ... but the gist of what i feel is:

iting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
i'm getting quite sick of all this talk of being left out/bitching/pple not caring

beam to bed. says:
hmmf

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
all they know how to do is talk

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
grr ...

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
action pple action!!!!

beam to bed. says:
well what else can they do really

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
do SOMETHING abt it.

beam to bed. says:
liike?

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
you dont want to be left out? dont be anti social

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
you dont want pple to bitch? that you cant do nothing abt it, but you have to accept it. it's not as if you dont bitch abt others. if you want to bitch, then accept it that others will bitch too

beam to bed. says:
true

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
you want pple to care? then let it be known. it's not as if we all have radars to tell if you're alright or not. and if pple dont realise, accept it, let it boil over and move on.

liting's styled hair = exhibit at Louvre. says:
grr ... it's all so simple

there. so now you know how i really feel. i tell you this whole thing is really making something small into a huge problem. maybe i'm making it big for myself, but i tell you if you never brought it up this way i wld have never saw it this way. i know what i'm going to say is going to offend pple, but it has to be said.

this world is cold. it's a well established fact. and man is not infallible. we are bound to make mistakes. you cant blame pple when they are insensitive to your feelings, i shld know, with what pple have said in my face. let the thing boil over and move on. if you keep complaining abt the same old stuff over and over then it will just become stagnant, and you'll be more bitter. as to when you are being left out: well, it might just be becoz you're at the wrong place at the wrong time. you know what? you want the truth? i felt left out at the beginning of this year. some of you knew; you noticed. you were even worried that i was unsettled. lucky for me, new pple came along, and plus i made an effort to try and make things work for me. and then i finally can say that i feel accepted, part of the whole family. it's not all the time, i must say, but at least i do have that security now. you see what i'm getting at? dont be unhappy that you're being left out. if you want that to change, do something abt it. if they dont accept you, then they're not worth your time. i am blessed because i know you all are worth my time, coz you make me feel like one of you. isnt it time you tried to do something abt it rather than just complain??
and bitching. right. pple might say things abt you eh? let them talk! as long as your conscience is clear, what have you got to worry abt? and if you do bitch, then dont complain. if it's your right, it's others' too. look, i know i'm not in the best position to say all that i've said, but hello, it's the truth. disagree? tag me and we can talk.

btw. if you wanna hate me after i say all this, then come and tell me straight in the face. we can sort it out, civilly.

i feel it more than ever

we looked so young. oh my how we have aged. *courtesy of TSD webby*  

paradoxes are my element. i make sense making senseless remarks.

was browsing throught blogs and i thought it was time to blog. :) somehow i'm not exactly in the best of moods today. i think i am PMSing. no one's online coz they all out and not home. so it does get lonely. i realised that there is a part of me that wants to become a fatalistic recluse. and the other side of me that just wants to be the centre of attention. and these 2 parts of me are constantly in conflict. i dont know what's triggering this period of slight depression. and i dunno if i'm blogging for attention or what lah.

anyway, today was a completely USELESS day. the only useful things i did today were to print the brilliantly beautiful posters for open house tomoro. but that took a really long time lah. vane is brilliant with adobe. that is as far as i will go before vane's head swells. :P

tomoro i play with the Familiar Mamasans. i am not thrilled. but i dont really want to mind. i mean, i do want to have fun lah. but then it's not easy to play in front of pple without proper pract. ok i guess we are more or less ready, but i am not really ready lah. jamming today was quite bad. yesterday's jamming was very very good lah. i'll tell you all something. in the band i do feel inadequate. my voice is not that brilliant. my guitar skills are not that great. i often feel that the guitar is useless when we perform [it cant be heard] ... i am just launching into some sad, self absorbed attitude. i hope you dont mind me. i am sorry.

and this brings another thought to mind. do i apologise too much? i dunno. i GUESS i do. but then i've been doing that for a really long time. i shall not say much. tell me what you think please!

i met up with stinky today. went to her house for dinner. in all due honesty something was different abt the whole thing today. but it was fun nonetheless.

a well. i am sleepy. going of to sleep now. haha ... bye bye! :)

this is a really old photo. haha. now i am putting it up :) 

this is the heirachy of A52 ... according to height. :P 

i wanna know

we went to the beach today. just mevaneraucorriefarahkennethesmondemich52dawnkhairulruthchoshazzycrystalhelen

i think i didnt miss out anyone did i? if i did just scream on my taggie and i'll add you in!!! :P i am very burnt now. i look like chili crab. must be quite delicious ah? haha :) anyway, snapshots of the day i remember:

snapshot 1
waiting for ana at tampines MRT. i realised i'm not the most patient of all people. i called ana ALOT of times, while contemplating the idea that she might still be alseep. haha. and she called me at 4pm: hey liting i just woke up. haha. :) i guessed as much. well, i guess it's not everyday we get to watch interview with a vampire in the middle of the night. haha. how was lestat ana? as good as you imagined him to be? haha. anyway i waited for half and hour lah. then decided i should just go first. :) in a way it was a blessing i did. but ana didnt go to sentosa. it was fun but haha, it could have been better.

snapshot2
cut straight to the monorail scene. haha 6 of us crammed into a monorail carriage leaving poor esmonde alone. but we had loads and loads of fun, what with farah and kenneth talking about nigger songs and all that. :) funny sia the 2 of them. :)

snapshot3
and into the water we go!!! :P we found a coconut tree and plonked right down beside it, in it's minimal shade. corrie and vane: you both owe me money! anyway, the sun was at it's peak, and the sand was hot. it was much like firewalking. haha. reminded me of the other day when history ended and we went to swim at east coast. i think i can take part int hat indian festival where they walk on fire. haha. the water was CLEAR, BLUE, CLEAN and most of all cool in the intense sun. :) we frolick and play, the scuba diver way, walking on the summer beachland. haha :P

snapshot4
vane and i tanning. we thought that corrie, rau and kenneth lying on the beach on their tummies looked like dead fish. we decided it might be good to join them. :P so there's 5 fish lodged into the sand. i felt like a whale. i think i spent half the time trying to not feel self concious of my body. :P i am big lah. nothing much i can do i guess. :)

snapshot5
'we're at the bridge. on my right is the monorail track!' so says michelle over the phone as me and esmonde go look for them. raudhah told them to 'come look for us, we're under a coconut tree!' hahahaha. rau's really bimbo moment of the day! :)

snapshot6
into the water again! played monkey, and realised how slow i am. knee shifted but i didnt think much of it lah. till i came out of the water. started to hurt when i was on the way leaving sentosa. :) but i AM ok. :D

snapshot7
caucasian kids are so cute! we met 3 today. haha i didnt bother much about them but they were all fussing over them. haha. :) can you imagine when they have their own kids?! we must have a reunion in like 10 years. then we see who will have a kid first. :P

snapshot8
dinner with dawn, angela and michelle. in a sense i knew they were close friends lah and i just hoped that my presence there wasnt like a hinderence or anything. haha :)
dawnmich52angela: haha hello! i had alot of fun lah. :) loved dinner!

snapshot9
we all hopped onto NEL and decided to go towards punggol. haha, i got off at kovan and took bus. i called ana to see if she was alright. haha :) talkde talked talked abt everything. then put down coz my bus came lah. ana: haha. you sleepy head. :P

these are the shapshots of today. as far as my tired man can remeber. :P well well. i am burnt, tired and sleepy. so i will stop before this becomes irrelevant and incoherent. :P good night! :P

take care. God Bless.

my love for you will never change

freedom song

hello. HELLO. HELLO!!!!! :P

guess what.

guess lah.

Guess!!! :P

Promos are OVER!!!! :P

*jumps around excitedly*

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! *flies* :P

i am so happy i could jump all night. :)

and results dont bother me now! :P i will refuse to care at all :)

anyway. CHECK BACK FOR MORE DETAILS ON THE PRATY OF THE 30TH. shall post them once i get them. :)

good night!

i'm in love i'm in love i'm in love accidentally :D

the rise and fall

ok i spent the whole day out not studying today. die. ok but paper on tues i am safe right?

wrong.

sigh.

but i spent the day with my mother. went shopping for stuff. so. liting will be having 2 new additions to her possessions:

1. MP3 player (finally!!!!! :D :D :D)
2. New Handphone (long awaited for!!!! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D)

haha! i am happy.

ok i'm looking forward to:
1. tues. end of promos. utter bliss. :)
2. wed. A52 beach party and celebrating ana's birthday :)
3. thurs. i dunno. but i'm looking forward to it anyway :P
4. 29oct: hello. you SHOULD know. :P sorry. if all goes planned it's reserved for the folks and brother :P
5. 30oct: TSD PARTY at CHANGI :P courtesy of me. :)
6. 30oct: my birthday party!!!!! :P check back for more details!!!! :D

hehe. and promos aint even completely over. :P hedonist aint i? (is that the right word? :P)

3 days. 2 papers. freedom. woohoo! :)

chaucer awaits. away i go! *grin*

educated fool

the ugly singaporean

Scene. Front car of the MRT train, right behind the driver's door/emergency escape. leaning against the glass panel, Man 1 is standing, leaning casually. The train is packed. it is the rush hour period, commuters of different shapes and sizes stand being swept along by the train as it pulls out of city hall. Young Man sits on one of the double seats, directly behind Man 1. near them, in the middle of the crowd packed tightly together, stands Man 2 and his wife, a pregnant woman. they stand back facing Young Man and side facing Man 1.

Man 1: (turning to Young Man) Excuse me, but could you get up? there's a pregnant woman in front of you and she needs to sit down.
Young Man: (looks up, bewildered) Huh? ... oh ok ...

Young Man gets up and moves aside. the pregnant woman notices what is going on and looks at the Young Man saying 'it's ok.' She sits down anyway, since Young Man has stood up. Young Man nods, and moves to stand in front of the pregnant woman, next to Man 2 and opposite Man 1.

Young Man: (to Man 1) erm. i'm sorry. i didnt see her. her back was facing me.
Man 1: Oh. it's ok. i just thought she looked like she needed the seat.
Young Man: You're not local are you?
Man 1: sorry? oh. yeah i'm not.
Young Man: i can tell.
Man 1: Really? how? is it because of my accent?
Young Man: huh? no lah. it's just that a local wouldnt have done what you just did.
Man 1: really? (lifts eyebrow) ok.

a long conversation continues, and soon Man 2 comes and joins in.

Man 3: Thank you.
Man 1: oh it's nothing. i just thought it was the right thing to do.
Young Man: i was just telling him, he's lucky he asked me to stand up. if it was someone else, he might not have been so nice.
Man 3: yeah. i think what you did was right, but if i were you i wouldnt have done that.
Man 1: really? it's not a norm here?
Man 3: the norm is to mind your own business. have you been here long?
Man 1: Oh yes, 2 months.
Man 3: that's not very long. you still have a long way to go.

the 3 men continue talking, until Man 1 gets off at paya lebar. Man 3 and Young Man continue a conversation until Man 3 and his wife alight at tampines.

amazing isnt it? these 3 men had never known each other before. they just met. in a crowded train. and one incident, the ice is broken and they talk as if they are friends. i saw this. today, on the train home from esplanade, i saw all this unfold right in front of me in the packed train. i listened intently to their conversation. i came to the conclusion that Young Man is right. a local would have just let the pregnant woman stand there hanging on for dear life to a pole and not help her get a seat. this foreign man saw a side of singapore he didnt have to. the other thing that struck me was the beauty of the whole situation. these 3 men were like old friends. anyone who didnt see what happened would have thought this trio went to school together.

amazing isnt it? how the stranger on the train could feel so much closer and warmer to you than the pple you see everyday and the people you love. i marvelled at the way they just talked. i guess men are more open to each other. if 3 women were in this situation, i think it would have been very different. the idiosyncracies of our 2 sexes is in fact more intriguing than those of the 3rd gender. think abt that. why are men so buddy buddy and women so cold? i wonder.

now that i've made my social statement, i shall go and study. think abt it and tag pple!

4 days to go!!!

walk blindly to the light

flying high in the sky of love

hello again! *burp* dinner was nice! *grins*

the sand was white. warm and soft, it slept soundly. as we walked through the little grains, we allow it to feel the little crevices and nooks and crannies of our weathered toes. the water rushed at us, disturbing the peace of silent slumber. the sun hung overhead, it's rays covering us all in a yellowish-gold glow. it is roughly mid day, so the sun is relentless. the heat could be fatal.

we jumped into the greenish-brown saline solution (oh my gosh i like this line! :P). it stinks, but somehow it is an aroma to our noses. we frolick and play, and santa is still far away. friday we still await out judgement again. but for this moment, we ignore it all. the water beckoned and we heeded. bliss. simply.

then on the breakwater we all sat together in a row, as if in line waiting to dry off from the water we soaked as sponges. the smell of the salt water is intense, and the occasional sea spray refreshes our exam weathered, stress-filled hearts. we sigh collectively. sea shells tease our feet as we pick them out, keeping the beautiful ones and discarding the rest. i stare out at the sea. and my thoughts drift out like the boat untied. on the ocean i meet the ship which carries my heart. and i saw all that i loved, all who i love and all that my heart covers. i see so many. i am amazed at the amount of love that pours out. the boat is sinking though, this heart is too heavy.

haha. nice start but slightly tragic ending. i thik i should consider writing prose proper :P

k i am going. eagles on tv now!!! :P

the truth will only free me

6 days to freedom world

we went to the beach today. *grin* and we went to swim! even though i had no extra underwear. i went home in dry clothes but wet undies. what's the big diff right?! haha. :) anyway i knew i stank, and i think there was at least a 3 meter radius around me when i was on the bus. haha. talk about being ostracised. :P anyway they were blasting westlife at the east coast place where there's lots to eat. and we were singing all corny songs. haha :) i still like WESTLIFE too k. :P haha.

k dinner. will post again. :P

8 days to freedom world

yeah. ECONS is OVER. yay!!!! :P

but my S paper flew away. bah humbug.

more fears: lit (tomoro), history(wed) then TSD(fri). i feel like i'm on fear factor. *pfft*

and of course. there's the others on the other days.

if you look at it from this perspective, i dont think it's that bad. ha :) yay. 5 more papers to go. woohoo!

ooh you know what. today's life section in the straits times has a photo of jasmine trias. and it looks like calin. haha. cool cool :)

anyway. song lyrics song lyrics!

Blessed Union of Souls - I believe

Walk blindly to the light and reach out for his hand
dont ask any questions and dont try to understand
open up your mind and open up your heart
you will see that you and i arent very far apart

coz i believe that love is the answer
i believe love will find away

Violence is spread worldwide and there's families on the street
we sell drugs to children now, oh, why cant we just see?
that all we do is eliminate our future by the things we do today
money is our incentive now so that makes it okay.

but i believe that love is the answer
i believe, love will find a way
i believe, love is the answer
i believe, love will find a way

i've been seeing Lisa now for a little over a year,
she said she's never been so happy, but Lisa lives in fear,
that one day daddy's gonna find out that she's in love
with a Nigger from the streets
Oh how he would lose it then, but she's still here with me
coz she believes that love will see it through
oneday he'll understand
he'll see me as a person, and not just a black man

coz i believe, love is the answer
i believe, love will find a way

beautiful song. i love it. makes me wanna cry.

final spurts for everything. hang in there everyone!!!

poor attempt to imitate the man

10 days to freedom world

firstly. i have nothing much to say. this is supposed to be a happy post. must diffuse the tension of the previous one. :) haha.

i am actually starting to like going to the warehouse exterior/landscaped resort interior/prison red gates and corridors and graveyard front main gate sign of a school. haha. thanx ana for that beautiful description. :) it is so nice when there's no one around and there's a sentimental song playing on the radio. the sky is pink, orange and blue, and the sun is Gold on a silver background. the trees add their refreshing green hues, and the world stops for while and it is surreal. that is what i absorbed into my blood today. :) lovely.

there's still beauty in this world despite promos and what not. there's definately still beauty. in your eyes. :)

ok. i concede that i am attention seeking. if that's a fault please tell me. and i will change. as of now i dont think it's that bad. ha. tell me k. :)

anyway. :) 10 more days. in abt 2 hrs, it's gonna be 9. yeah! :)

econs is a bummer. i am going to do that now. :)

but to end this happy post, i am putting up a sad song. haha :P enjoy it!

Blessid Union Of Souls - Light in Your Eyes

I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free

I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away

It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong

There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

i love blessed union of souls. :) k i'm going into mugger mode. take care all!

i dont wanna use you

i feel so uninspired

music has such a strong influence on people. especially me. my current play list of mp3s on my comp is named: songs to cry to. yes. i have been crying.
it's all because of you.

i spent the day doing almost nothing. went cycling while vane, rau, des and farah bladed. it was fun. :) studying was the last thing on our minds.

3 days. shit.

you asked me. and in the presence of others, you all looked at me demanding an answer. driven into a corner. and then you asked again. so i told you. and you looked at me. as if you didnt expect it. then it was just you and me. you didnt say nothing again. i turned and i ran.

then i woke up.

my dreams are stopping halfway. always. at that very moment when i'm abt to find out, i wake up. i try so hard to go back to sleep. but tis difficult.

i guess my posts are starting to get boring huh? all about me myself and i. haha. self-centered arent we all? my tag board's more interesting than this. what is the world coming to??

ok i'm just feeling sorry for myself. since rashez and rau have declared they are no longer lovesick. and i am still. i feel trapped in a spiral and i'm spinning out of control. i feel attention seeking.

i wonder to myself: will they still love me?

i still believe it when you say it's another perfect day