sometimes love just aint enough - Don Henly and Patti Smyth

I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to use you
Just to have somebody by my side.
And I don't want to hate you, I don't want to take you,
but I don't want to be the one to cry.

And that don't really matter to anyone anymore.
But like a fool I keep losing my place
and I keep seeing you walk through that door.

Chorus:
But there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just aint enough.

Now, I could never change you, I don't want to blame you.
Baby, you don't have to take the fall.
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you.
Maybe I just want to have it all.

It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain.
And like a fool who will never see the truth,
I keep thinking something's gonna change.

(Chorus)

And there's no way home,
when it's late at night and you're all alone.
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed,
there beside you, where I used to lay?

And there's a danger in loving somebody too much,
and it's sad when you know it's your heart they can't touch.
There's a reason why people don't stay who they are.
Baby, sometimes, love just ain't enough.

Baby, sometimes, love... it just ain't enough.
Oh, Oh, Oh, No.

you asked. and i said it. you just looked at me. i was stumped.

then i woke up.

sigh.

is there a chance in hell or heaven?

close call

you nearly got my game today. oh man. it flew past. that's good. i'm safe.

wrote something today: not too proud of it, but rashez thinks i'm a swine. haha :P just a poem to keep me going lah :)

Why am I in love with you?

Why do the birds fly southwards for the winter?
Why do the stars emerge from beneath their clouds?
Why do the waves crash on the shore?
Why am I not who I was before?
Why am I in love with you?

Why does the moon still watch over us so?
Why do you act as if you don't know?
Why do the flowers smell like they do?
Why am I a fool for you?
Why am I in love with you?

Why does the sun still shine upon us so?
Why do you leave me so?
Why do butterflies flutter by?
Why am I thinking of you?
Why am I in love with you?

that was my helpless, pathetic attempt at poetry. i am starting to believe i write crap.

conan equations are funny. haha. :)

k i gotta go. i'm in a confused mood. love hurts. big time.

if you havent read, read the previous post. my periodical came. :) i'm sure there's a msg there somewhere for you. :)

courage teach me to be shy

in love with sad eyes.

i must be sure i say nothing abt them eyes. they are beautiful, but if you noticed, they look sad. really. i wonder if it's just the shape, or something in the past that we all want to forget. i want to know. if it's the latter that is. maybe it's just me. but i do think the eyes tell stories that pple want to hide. what has this person got to hide? i dunno.

in any case sad eyes just make it more interesting. the situation is getting a little out of hand. i spent the whole to today just thinking abt it. to tell, or not to tell. that is the question. what should i do? i have been thinking long and hard. and in my previous posts i sounded determined to tell. but ALOT is at stake. it's not just my relationship with that person. it's everyone else too. what if my sec 1 experience repeats itself? that's where my fear lies. in pple ostracising me. i fear they might ignore me.

is it an irrational fear? i've been spending the past few days thinking what pple thought abt me. i'm afraid of what pple view me as. i dont really care what pple who dont know me think, but i'm concerned abt what my friends think. is it wrong to be insecure? i know what some pple think abt me and it is indeed a wonderful thing to know some pple think positively abt me. (thanx man! :)) but what abt the pple who never told me? what abt THAT person?

i think i might sound a tad egoistic. i'm sorry. see what i mean? i say things and i worry about what it shows abt me. i find myself more often than not caught in the line between speaking my mind and trying to play the right cards. SOMETIMES i just dont feel like myself. i guess deep down we all have such a fear, that we may be misunderstood. i myself dunno what to do. haha. :P oh well. i guess it will all work out.

i still count my blessings. i do. really. :P

STINKY: hey girl. miss you loads. love you hun *muack* *long hug* :)
BAKA: i'm sorry i cldnt be there for you when your grandfather left. still love you hun. take care and God bless. *long hug*
NAN: hey. chio bu. miss you lah. take care k? i love you too. :P see you soon.

MEL LIM: hey babes! i know you read this so i just wanted to say: i love you! you're a blessing and it's been great getting to know you. dont miss your baby too much k?! :P *hug*
JENE: hey. :) nothing much, cept that we havent talked for some time and i realised how much i miss talking to you. i love you girl. as much as your 'nah ge' :P take care and God bless! *hug*

RAU: hey love sick puppy! :) thanx for the note. :P your note made me think abit. haha. will share when i have the time. i've said my 'i love you' already, but no harm saying again right? hehe. :P love ya hun. :) take care of thyself! *hug*
VANE: darling. :P hello man. i guess i just wanted to say that you can count on me if you ever need anything. i WILL always, whether you like it or not (hehe :P), be there for you. love you man. :P *hug*
RASHEZ: hey biatch :D i never expected i would say this, but deep down inside i realised: i love you! :P hehe. ok come down from your pedestal now. :P *hug* bloddy black bird! :P
ANA: hello my darling. :P miss you so much lah :) haha. for once when i say this i'm not kidding/sexed up/horny: i love you babes. :) guess i just wanted you to know. :) haha. remember our nightly rendezvous ok?! :P *hug*
DAWN: yo man! wassup?! :P when i do my periodical 'i love yous' i must include you what! haha. dont blame me for being mushy! :P so: love you dawn. :) yes i do. haha! take heart in that fact yeah?! *cheers* *hug* thanx for always being there to talk. haha. you make sense! :P
MICHELLE: ha. just a note to say hi. :) and that yes, my love extends to you as well. haha. :P even though i dont know you very well, and i dunno if i am in the position to say this, but, i love you babes. :P hehe. take care and God Bless. :)
CORRIE: hey man. i'm glad you're alright and nothing's wrong now. i must confess that i really thought you did try to kill yourself, and i'm sorry for having that little faith in you. but nonetheless, you will always be my lovely duo partner. love you babes. :P *hug*
BIMBO CRYSTAL: hey hey bimbo! :P nothing much lah, just wanted to say 'i love you!' haha. :P there i said it. *bows* long live princess crystal. :P
CALIN: nothing much either. just that miss you coz you havent been around. it was great seeing you today. :) haha. i love you. :P take care of thyself. all the best for As. :) *hug*
to everyone else i missed out: you mean alot to me too! just that ah, got no time! haha. i love all of you too! :P *Group Hug*

ok. that was a long periodical i love yous. :P haha. k i gotta go. for real.

all of you! i'm truly blessed to have known you. :)

good night! :)

love is a many splendoured thing

i am aged beyond my years :P

2 nights. in a row. music blasting in my ears, pple all around me singing, dancing, screaming. ha. it is tiring. :P i am beat. i did it again. jump jump jump jump jump sing sing sing sing sing hop hop hop hop hop. cept this time there was also: pray pray pray pray pray. :D yes. i just came back from worship night. yes. it was an experience. yes. i cried. :) but i am happy. burden's off my shoulder. i left it at the foot of the cross. literally. :) i am happy again. thanx to all of you pple out there who cared enough to send me bible verses, encourage me and the person who told me to read pslams 1- 6: it helped. ALOT. thanx :)

my encounter was brief. but it left me with a few impressions which i will attempt to share:
1. i need to tell.
2. that person's name appeared in my train of thought while i was praying.
3. i must know exactly what i am doing before i jump. (yes corrie i got the message)
4. that person needs/ needs not know. i need to figure that out. but whatever happens there's a lot at stake, and i have faith He'll see me through.
5. all that is not right will be removed in faith. He is the Creator of all after all. if there's anyone with control it's him.

for one thing i was quite sad when most of the pple i invited cldnt make it. but i knew and i understood that sometimes things like this cant be helped. there's always another time. maybe next time lah pple who didnt make it. :) i guess in a weird sort of way it was good that i didnt have to cry in front of you. :) you can continue to think of me as a happy person :P

did i mention that conan is brilliant? i read his iceman essay today. then i read mine. i wanted to jump out of my 6 storey flat. he writes good stuff. it's just brilliant. i never thought of alot of what he said. :) and did i mention his stage directions are as meticulous as O'neill? our group script had O'neill like directions. he is simply BRILLIANT. :)

anyway. i watched a movie this morning: Das Experiment. it is a german film abt 20 men. they voluntarily step forward to take part in an experiment in which they role play 2 weeks in a make shift prison. 8 of these men were the wardens, and the other 12 were the prisoners. first of all: this movie is scary. the wardens start to go a little berserk. at first there is no authority. then authority is soon established thru humiliation, and then slowly thru violence, scare tactics and torture. and all for the sake of money. 4000 marks so e exact. it is amazing what pple with seemingly unlimited authority would do. no. 77, the protagonist of the film was a rebel who went all out against the wardens. he's quite cute. (that's not the point :P) point is they ambushed him in the middle of the night, duct taping his mouth and legs, then they carry him to another part of the prison compound without surveillance cameras and beat him up as he's taped to a chair. they shave his head and then piss on him. all because he was 'out of line' with one of the warders (who's mad in my opinion btw.) this is a crazy thing lah. pple in authority can do almost anything they want and get away with it. makes me wonder why pple are still given positions which they are likely to abuse. if i had that kinda power, would i use it to the utmost? if i was subjected to that kinda power, would i be able to take it? for the latter, no. for the former: guess what. YES. i realise how human i am. if i have the power i would use force to get what i want and to get pple to listen. it's there for you to use. just use it. ok maybe i'm just screwed up in my brain. :P

power corrupts. i believe in that. that's the reason why i'm happy with who i am today. :) i cant imagine what i might be if i had unlimited power. i know: a t-rex. :P hehe

bah humbug. :) i am tired. good night dawg. :D

i cant breathe easy

fly by :P

i am a true blue BLUE fan. ok i admit i am i sucker for THIS boyband. but they're better than any other boy band around. admit it. :P i just came back from the CONCERT. :D liting is one happy girl. anyway i must must must start bitching. a concert brings all sort of pple together.

my pet peeve: little rich caucasian girls with snobbish british accents, cloth instead of clothes and pampered whines. they are bimbotic, irritating and bloody divas: sorry girls, the world doesnt revovle around you.

they were everywhere. i felt like i was in bimbo central. almost couldnt bear it. but then into the concert, i started to go crazy. jump jump jump jump jump sing sing sing sing sing hop hop hop hop hop. i loved it. the concert rocked my sox off! :P highlight of the week for a long while. promos on their way. i am scared shit of not doing S papers. ack. i need to sleep.

anyway, the concert was interesting. there was a coloured wash overkill though, and derek mcdonald CANT sing very well coz he cannot articulate properly. maybe it's my hearing. but i do believe he cant. haha loser.

my cousin bought me a picture of simon. it's cool, cept 1. it looks like a funeral photo, 2. he looks stoned. haha. cost her $8. bah i feel bad. haha.

school was anything BUT interesting today. it sucked to the core. i ponned alot of things, but some things just cant pon. like GP. bah. i let liew see me. so had to change plan. haha. :P

things i FEEL i need to do:
1. study
2. study
3. study
4. CONFESS
5. await my verdict

i figured it wasnt fair. i need to tell you. so that comes soon. watch out. this sounds like some commercial for some hollywood blockbuster. haha.

"if it's wrong to tell the truth, what am i supposed to do? when all i wanna do is speak my mind/if it's wrong to do us right, i'm prepared to testify/if loving you with all my heart's a crime, then i'm GUILTY " - BLUE - Guilty

haha. Blue did get to me. but that song is appropriate. i want you to know soon. so that i'll know if you really care. ha. BUT. i may chicken out. becoz i'm happy the way we are, and i dont know you well enough to say it yet. i hate missing you, but i love seeing you. when will you be back? love you i love you i love you i love you. :P

ok i'm sleepy. i need to mug overnight. ack. haha.

i must go now. take care ya'll :P

so i wake in the morning and i stepped outside.

sometimes late at night

it's abt 1230 am now. if it's late or early i do not know. all i know is that i gave up talking to you. we talked fro awhile already. 'tis enough. yet then again i miss you. already. why? i dont understand. you musnt be a distraction anymore. and you know what? you aren't. anymore at least. believe me believing in myself. i'm not letting you distract me anymore. in fact i realised today how much less shy i am around you now. that makes me happy. even if we dont remember each other in the distant future, i will look back and be happy: coz i know you and you knew me.

i remember michL talking abt suicide and depression the other time. a few of us gathered at the table doing something mundane, and talking (ironically) abt PW. 90% of the time, suicide cases are attention seeking. the real ones who might commit suicide for real often go off quietly. today this fact was manifested. thing is i dunno if it was a suicide attempt. i hope not. i hope that she's just sick. HOPE. the thing that keeps most of us all alive. i hope our hopes keep YOU alive.

somebody's in hospital and we dunno why. hasnt been herself. pray that she's fine. hopefully.

ever wondered how it feels like to want to genuinely cry but you couldnt? i am getting that nowadays. i wanted to cry today. so much so i nearly cried coz i cldnt cry. that didnt make sense but you catch my drift. ah well. when you see me cry, dont sympathize with me. congratulate me on my achievement.

off to europe to meet Cavour, Garibaldi and the pple of europe. night.

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly

though it's not easy to tell you goodbye.

results tomoro. i am not thrilled. sigh. E. monos all over again.

i keep thinking of when i got my mono results. E. nobody knew so no one came to comfort me. and i was nursing that stupid ankle of mine. i could have cried but i didnt. i think that was part of the numbing process. so we shall see what happens tomoro. argh.

anyway, was on the train the other day and i realized how much i liked entering the mrt underground tunnels. they're really cool. if you stand in front of the door anf look out at the black as it slowly engulfs you, it feels like you're going into a giant's mouth. and then you see your invisible friend. you wave and she waves back. you adjust your uniform and she does the same. you look at your hair and neaten it, just as she does the same thing simultaneously. and for that short period of time the world seems like a long long long black tunnel, and you've got a friend to be with you. and you're not lonely anymore. i like MRT train tunnels. they make me think. :)

didnt see someone today. quite sad. but at least i wasnt distracted. school is useless now. i should start ponning.

i must go and anticipate the coming of tomoro. got chinese to do and euro nationalism to digest. see you all around.

i'll spread my wings and i'll learn how to fly

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

this is an early advance notice to all you funky shits out there, pple from TSD'04/03, 04a52, MAD/YLO@CMC . also 4/7ers of 2003, KC friends and all my lovely loved ones who i care for. :) hello. haha! :P

i am giving you advance advance notice on the event of the year this year, an event that you must must must be at, an event NOT TO BE MISSED!

LITING'S 17th Birthday BASH!!!!!! :P
when?: 30th October 2004
where?: Changi Civil Servant Chalets, exact location to be confirmed. :P
time?: well, to be confirmed again. but probably dinner. (TSDians: we could have a whole day thingy, coz there's apparently alot of things to do. beach is like really near! what do you think? like another TSD party?? how how???)

ok ok? set!!! haha ... this is way advance notice, coz i am:
1. excited that i am turning 17 though i dont really wanna grow up.
2. kiasu. i want to book all of you first. :P (k lah, i'm just scared that i plan and plan then no body come lah. hehe :P)
3. having something like that for my birthday for the first time ever. :) haha ... i hope that i can have a special birthday this year lah :P

oh yeah and BTW, my birthday is on the 29th, not the 30th, but the 30th is a sat and it makes more sense to celebrate then. and anyway, it is a stayover thingy ... so please come and stay over k??? then we can play mahjong and bridge all night and do all sorts of funny shit!!! :P

and ... i am not expecting presents, though it wld be very nice :P

kk ... will update you guys on full details after promos. :) but please please take note ok?? haha ... :P

k i better go. :)

the hands that built america

when they found out, they just had to gasp! :P haha!  

it's over and done, but the heartache lives on inside

Duos are officially OVER. results out on wed. i cant say i'm not nervous. i think it's gonna be quite bad my duo ... argh. haha :)

anyway, i probably wont be blogging much til end of promos. i cant afford to if i wanna do my S papers shit. shucks i'm starting to become very stressed abt my promos. for one thing: i'm super detached from God right now. really. i havent prayed in eons ... and i tells you i know something's missing in my life. damn. i need my LIFE back. i need to have blessed reassurance that there's Someone there for me always. man. sighs. God help me please.

anyway. today was a pretty good day. even though it all happened at parkway. haha ... but dinner with rashez, rau, rohana and vane was super shit funny. :) will put up photos soon. but i tells you, it made me sit up and think that actually contrary to what i think, i do fit in. haha ... it's times like this i wished i could have more of. sometimes i realise i make myself blind. just because i cant fit in with one group of pple doesnt mean i cant fit in with others. i've been quite stupid lah. Blinded by love for one thing. argh. haha ... but hey guys: thanx! i had a lot of fun today! :) time for blackmail! ok ok ... KIDDING! :P

still in the process of deciding to say or not to say. somebody did something today with lots of implications again. haha ... man. this is shit. haha ... :P but i honestly think that person should know abt all this. i want that person to know but it's a matter of if that person accepts it or not. i should take dawn's advice: dont be shy. there's no reason to be. :) haha ... another 'dawn brilliant moment!' :P

anyway, i guess i've come to a point where i'm just struggling for acceptance from pple i really care for and love. i came to a conclusion that i have too much love to give, and so i must find my outlets. haha. sounds narcissitic. but then again it is true. there must be a reason why i always feel like getting stuff for pple. and i guess this is why?? haha ... man ... sigh. i hope all of you dont mind! :)

k k ... i think i must go and plan what to study now and then go and sleep. PROMOS studying starts tomoro. i am screwed. :P

lastly: to that person. I love you more than i can say.

last lastly: stinky: i'm not expecting you to be there for me all the time. dont get the wrong idea. i still love you no matter what girl! :)

tatybye! :P

i've been kissed by a rose on the grey.

i made 2 new friends druign sept hols! haha! say hello! :) 

sometimes i get tired of this me first attitude

my mind is a mess. i cannot think straight anymore. 'my heart could never yet confine my tongue' - Lady Brute. indeed. i could never tell.

duo has ended. i am filled with utter relief and sadness. i guess i'm happy it's over and done with and no more acting for me for the time being. but it's also coz i guess i'm really sad that this is it. no more slots. no more going up to korr and saying my famous first line: 'good morrow dear cousin'. no more asking people to watch our slot, no more saying keanu reeves is my lover. no more. all ... coming to an end. it's so abrupt. i suddenly feel empty.

i think i am a jealous piece of shit. honestly. i cant say i am not disappointed that my father didnt come to watch my group piece or my duo. i cant say i am not disappointed that my best friend couldnt make it either. BUT. i understand. everybody has lives of their own. Kudos to yihui, Kashin, Sarah who came down to watch. i am not pissed that some people i invited couldnt make it. i understand. i will. soon enough. it will pass anyway.

Ok, if you want my honest honest opinion, my duo was crap. shit. a pile of faecal matter. just a no good bunch of words that i screwed up. it isnt Korree ... it's me. i just feel like that time when i screwed up my mono. and if i did really screw up this big time, i would have nothing to blame it on. i blamed my mono on my sprained ankle. what am i gonna blame this time on? blame this time on the fact that my mind wasnt quite there? today was a shit run lah. in my opinion. i know you all will have alot to say. haha ... i wont stop you. :)

ok at least try and make me feel better? no really. try. i just need people around me lah. remember my post abt fearing being alone? yup. that's what i'm feeling now. alone. this world is cold when you feel all by yourself. haha ...

i think i've come to a point where i need to tell that person. dawn was saying that someone might just hurt me one day jokingly. that phrase had serious implications. dawn's right. if i tell on myself i could seriously set myself for some pretty devastating hurt. i'm starting to not be able to face that person anymore. i dont want to. soemtimes i just wanna roll up in a corner and cry. if only i never had to face that person everyday. argh!!!!!

ok ... enough of depressing shit. here are some of my favourite quotes from duos today ... :)

'you deserve to be tatuffe-fied'
'tatuffe is your cup of tea and you shall drink him' - both from dorine in 'tatuffe' by moliere ( as far as i can remember at least)

Jiehui as the nurse: just plain doing all that she did ... it was funny. esp the 'your lover said ... where is your mother' or something like that.

'men are seldom fond of their wives unless they are very jealous of them' - my screwed up line from my duo. dont talk about it.

the rain falling right after arika and farah's tragic duo. timing was super appropriate man! :)

so there's little time to study now ... haha ... i will make use of it! :)

it is now 9:23pm. this post took me more than an hour again!

good night and good luck! :)

pulled from the wreckage of my silent reverie

because i love you more than i can say,
if i could tell you, i would let you know - W.H Auden 'if i could tell you'

Kudos to rau for that poem! *hug* haha ... super super reflective of my mental state. :) i dunno to tell or not to tell ... wonder what the reaction would be ... maybe someone should tell for me ... but that's like no courage man ... haha :P

anyway ... GROUP IS OVER! i am super super relieved! :) and yet i am super super sad ... i've had so much fun working with H.S ... :) i dont really wanna stop here ... haha ... man ... i tells you ... when the curtains were closed for the final time over our projector screen ... i almost teared ... it was the best run ... EVER! and it was the only full run we had! :) i am happy we didnt over run! :)

so now ... we must face the dreadful duo ... haha ... alliteration ... :P i think it's gonna be good ... i dunno ... see what happens. :)

i'm gonna start on my journal now ... haha .. .so screwed!!! :P

i am gone. :)

i want to be free

it seems that pple do want to see dawn's photo ... :P hehe ... gotcha dawn! :) 

i couldnt resist putting this photo up :P hehe :) 

epitome of dysfunction! that's us a52! :) 

if i was invisible

i realised that it's becoming too obvious. all my feelings are starting to show. haha ... man ... i've come to the point where i must say: enough is enough. like that love actually guy. ENOUGH. you've got what you wanted. move on. :)

so i dunno, maybe i'm not so lovesick anymore. i resolved if i dont move on, i will never. and it will kill me. from inside. and besides, i wanna stay friends. nothing else.

anyway ... yesterday i went for some good ole retail therapy ... :) i am happy now ... :) i bought me self new bracelets ... hehe ... not very beautiful pieces of jewellery i guess ... but it's nice and i like it :) hehe ... anyway i also bought myself a totally useless key chain and i think i've been cheated of my money ... haha ... dang :)

anyway, i havent been in a mood to blog ... today i told corrie lots of things ... about how i feel and all ... but honestly there was more ... i just couldnt say it ... (sorry man korr) ... this whole concept of wearing a mask is becoming so convienient that i cant shake it off when i wanna. it's getting harder and harder to be happy. i guess it's the stress. but there a little nuggets of happiness ... here and there ... and i do mean 'little' hehe ... :P but i am happy when i'm doing stuff for people. i guess it's the whole concept of being alone that gets me down. i usually feel better when i talk to people or when people talk to me ... yeah ... so i guess i just need a human being to be with :) haha

anyway ... i am quite uneasy about group and duo lah. like i feel so not prepared ... so will see what happens tomoro ... then i think it'll be better ... haha ... hope ... that's the thing with feathers ... :P

lyrics for you: my fave song for the moment :)

Will Young - Leave right now

I'm here just like I said
Though its breaking every rule I've ever made
My racing heart is just the same
Why make it strong to break it once again?
And I'd love to say I do
Give everything to you
But I can never now be true
So I say...

Chorus:
I think I'd better leave right now
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now
Feeling weaker and weaker
Somebody better show me how
Before I fall any deeper
I think I'd better leave right now

I'm here so please explain
Why you're opening up a healing wound again
I'm a little more careful
Perhaps it shows
But if I lose the highs, at least I'm spared the lows

Now I tremble in your arms
What could be the harm
To feel my spirit calm
So I say..

Repeat Chorus

I wouldn't know how to say
How good it feels seeing you today
I see you've got your smile back
Like you say your right on track
But you may never know why
Once bitten twice is shy
If I'm proud perhaps I should explain
I couldn't bear to lose you again

Repeat Chorus

Yes I will...

Repeat Chorus

haha ... :) quite symbollic of my mental state now :)

in the arms of an angel

of puppies and godliness

as rau said on her blog, we are all love sick puppies. oh yes ... us a52 people. all of us. we have someone we wanna be with, someone we wanna love, but we cant for some reason or other. and yes michL is right: what's wrong with this class?

and then there's the other extreme. a55: Godly people all of them. and they look so happy go lucky. and so free, and always smiling and all that. it's not a bad thing lah ... :) just that the contrast between both TSD classes is very very interesting. i wonder what the senior batches are like ... lynn: care to share? :)

anyway ... this post has taken more than one hour to type ... haha :P it is now 1058pm ... :P

ok now it's 1109 ... haha ... i will stop blogging now ... :P

i wanna get wit you coz you's a cutie

jap wannabes ... kawaii!!!!  

look closely nd we all look like wax figures ... :) 

say you'll stay, dont come and go

if only. if only you knew that i could only love one and that was you. if only you read this and suddenly, you just knew. i wouldnt be in this agony, the agony of being in love and not loved in return.

i got my contacts today. :) i spent abt 1.5 hours in the optic shop trying to put a lens the sized of half a cadbury dairy milk chochette into my eye. for about 3 times. put in take out put in take out. i found out i have astigamtism too ... haha ... so i must get toric lenses. anyway, these lenses are trials ... costed me a good $30. so much for FREE trial. FREE only if you order from them. bleah~ so cheated of my money.

anyway, today was super super unproductive. and now it's still very unproductive. so sian right ... sighs ... anyway ... group wasnt too bad today. we figured out our tableauxs ... and we switched exam slots with untitled group. which means i get to watch everyone else. hehe ... i like ... :) i didnt study much. my misadventure at the optic shop took up most of my time. didnt do much studying at all. haha :) sighs ... i need to start ... now ... or i will never start. ok ... i think i should stop blogging and start studying. haha :)

thought for the day: *plagiarising from corrie* :) how do you act normal? isnt acting normal acting abnormal? haha :)

oh yeah, btw: just for the sake of provoking some thoughts, if you had a gun, what would you do with it?

eh: who art thou?? art thou a lonely pig? :P

night night ... mugging here i come. *pfft*

i hope you dont mind that i put down in words how wonderful life is now you're in the world

loving someone who cannot reciprocate

still on the topic of love, i guess it's a subject many people stay away from. i guess people are afraid of love. it's like a disease you cannot apply a cure to, as Lady Brute in the Provok'd wife might say. i think i am too immature for love. wow ... only coming to that revelation now. slow lah liting, slow. haha ... man ... how do you explain the feeling when you see someone and you start getting butterflies in your tum tum and you feel a sudden surge of happiness? i dunno ... i was hoping you'd know ... coz if it aint love then what is it? if there was someone who could brighten up your day just by being there wherever you are, and it's not as if you guys talk or anything, is it love? maybe some friends have that effect on you. close friends i suppose ... :) but what if it's not as if you are close. what if you just feel that way everytime you see that person? i can tell you something now: you could be reading all these things and not realise it's you i'm talking about. it may be you ... it may not be you ... haha ... who knows? :)

anyway, i felt a sudden urge to go out and get something for my friends today ... and guess what ... hehe ... i did ... :) i love showing people i love them. i guess that's the trouble with me ... i love too much ... and maybe people dont love me as much. but i dont wanna know if i'm loved or not. becoz i know my ego will shoot high up if people start telling me they do. hehe ... but nonetheless, there can never be too much love in the world. there never is enough to go around. that's the sad thing. even as i sit here typing, someone in the united states is being shot to death because of a minor dispute, someone is being abused because their father is drunk, someone is being raped because they have no choice and someone is punished for something they didnt do. Someone is being spat on, someone is getting beaten up, someone is freezing to death, someone is dying of hunger. i know how blessed i am to have a family who loves me, people who care for me, food on the table, spare change somewhere, a school to go to and best of all, i have people to love. that's one thing everyone has. someone to love. so if we all showed the people we love a little bit of what is lacking in this weathered world, we will have enough love to fill the entire world. :) off on one of my tangents again. i hope i didnt bore you. :)

today was quite uneventful, 'cept for the shopping bit. i cldnt get my contacts today. parkway was packed full of brainless, mindless shoppers and so my optician had no time to tend to me. i will be going back soon. then i will join the ranks of contacts wearing people ... who i think must be almost the rest of the world. :) i am looking forward to a new me. :) haha :P

i must be going now. i have work that must be done. studying starts now! now! :)

life is not measured by how many breaths you take, but by the number of moments that take your breath away. you take my breath away just by being there. i know i have life in abundance.

peace out ya'll ... night :)

two hearts beat together underneath one sun

why me?!?  

enter vanessa: the cocoNUT tree :P 

love actually is all around :)

i realised today that i am not in love with someone ... but i am in love with the concept of being in love. i like love, the whole idea of it ... and loving and being loved in return. in the past 17 yrs of my life i have lived it being deluded with the whole love thing. but i must stress that i do care for people ... i genuinely want to care for everyone. and if i find a way to show it i will :) but i guess now i just need to be sure i'm no longer deluded. and one day i guess i'll find true true love ... i will find someone to love ... apart from the One who i already love fully. haha ... i dunno lah, if it's possible to say you love someone whole heartedly, and say the same thing to someone else ... how do you love with more than your heart? man ... movies trigger more thoughts ... whatever happened to my self imposed thinking hiatus? :P

you barely spoke to me today. figures ... guess you were too busy with everything else. i'll see you in my dreams tonight, and i will tell you it's not you i love, just so i can love the right person.

i've given up all hope on loving someone. just as long as that person know's they're loved is enough. maybe in another time and another place we can be together. but now, it is impossible and i will live my life. i will not stay crumbled on the ground.

anyways, i had lots of fun today. Rodrigo Santoro is HOT HOT HOT!!!! haha ... :) so is kiera knightly. haha ... :) she's flat yes, but none the less super duper chio. :) there was no booze though ... i guess we could have done better without it. if i was drunk, i'd have sprouted nonsense and not know i did ... haha ... man ... it's a blessing that i didnt drink. :) but i had so much so much fun ... :) wonderful time man ... :) glad you all liked the fish. :) unless you were just being nice ... haha ... then just tell me what was wrong with the fish ... :)

anyway, i dunno if i'm at that point, but i think i'm going through a crisis ... haha ... the person i love is someone i see almost too often for comfort. it hurts alot if i didnt keep everything in check ... haha ... someday ... someday that person will know.

i am genuinely sleepy now ... good night man ... :)

i was too lost in you

invasion of the idiots ... *shriek* run for cover!!!! :P  

always no reply :

hellos ... no i'm not depressed ... i'm learning to keep my chin up ... :)

anyway, been doing lotsa nothing ... serious ... got things to do but not doing it ... haha ... dang ... ah wells... after this weekend, it's mug mug mug mug all the way ... must get my CCDD to do econs S ... why econs S? coz the other subjects all cannot make it ... hopefully history S might be an option ... but i dunno ... oh gosh ...

tomorrow i have a class party to go to. i'm half looking forward to it, and yet at the same time not all enthusiastic about it. i guess it's just me lah ... i'm tired and i think about all my work ... i feel like i have no time to play ... but i guess it doesnt matter, even if i stay home i wont study ... so might as well go ... i'm bringing fish and chips tomoro ... other than the chips ... get ready for my fish fingers :) hehe ... i will not poison you i promise ... :)

anyway, i've come to the conclusion that an insecurity is not an insecurity until you look at it as an insecurity. it can be strength if looked at differently. i mean, everyone has insecurities (lynn: i'm not sure whether i can say you do. but i guess somewhere somehow there must be something ...), but it's a weakness only if you let it become one right? i dunno if i'm making sense ... hehe ...

anyway, ok ... maybe i do have too many thoughts ... haha ... guess i just cant help it ... maybe i'm just too serious for my age ... ok ... i think i'm thinking too much about thinking too much ... haha ... enough thinking ... *slaps myself* STOP THINKING!!! :P hehe ... sorry ... :P

today was a long long long long friday, just like any other friday ... there were only 5 pple in the line in the parade square this morning ... my class is damn zai ... haha ... :) anyway, i was on duty this morning and mr yeo told us that the band wasnt playing anthem this morning ... so i ran ... from the PA hall to the General office ... early in the morning ... i nearly died of heat ... i was sweating like a pig at the back of the parade square lah ... almost got scolded for not wearing a tie some more ... i didnt have the time lah ... so i guess i started the day quite bad ... hot sweaty and grumpy becoz i had to run ... but i was cheered up ... i made pple leave a space for vane ... felt childish, but it was quite fun ... telling people to move so that vane can sit there ... next to me ... haha ... so primary school ... :D

anyway, i've noticed many people have been looking very tired ... i guess it's crunch time and everybody's been considerably tired and all ... so here's just a shout out to all you sleepy tired people: try to rest more! and dont be too stressed about stuff ... at the end of the day it's gonna be ok ... :) please take care of yourselves, and rest well, drink lots of water and relax once in awhile. take care and God Bless everybody! :)

ok i better go ... this post might be abit incongruent ... haha ...

you've got a friend in me (i mean it! all of you! :D)

the vision of you will stay with me for some time ...

i saw you yesterday. i remember what you were wearing. i could harldy breathe ... i realized how much i miss you someties when you're not around ... only to realize i dont have the right to miss you like that. you were gorgeous ... heart-stopping, jaw-dropping gorgeous ... and yet your clothes were so simple. if only you knew who you were.

i just got home ... dead beat, tired and cranky ... gonna sleep now ...

thought: is there anything you're insecure about? why?

you know the drill ... just tag me ...

night night

if i died tonight, i'd go with no regrets, if it's in your arms, i know that i was blessed

ahhhh!!!! pimple!!!!! ;P 

if you noticed, michelle looks taller than me :P